I don't know if I've mentioned this on the blog yet, but I was hired as a permanent substitute (oxymoron much?) by this one high school, and I only sub in the English Department, so every day I'm in a different English class, which means that I'm getting to know all of the teachers here and the students all know me too and I'm even beginning to learn a lot of the kids names--even though there are, like, a million students here. However, there's only one me here, so pretty much all (or most) (or some) of the students definitely (probably) know my name by now. The thing is, they don't call me by my name. What do they call me? They call me "Jeff Goldblum."
Yeah. I'm fucking serious. They call me Jeff freaking Goldblum. As in, "Jeff Goldblum's our sub today!" Or, simply, "Mr. Goldblum!" Or "Hey Jeff Goldblum, how are the dinosaurs?"
See, they were all starting to realize how annoyed I would get every day when they'd say (every day): "Do you know who you look like?" and I'd roll my eyes and grumble "yes," and then they'd say it ("Jeff Goldblum") in case I didn't really know who I looked like (to them, at least), and so they decided to be teenagers and just call me "Jeff Goldblum" every time they saw me, and so then I decided not to give them the annoyed reaction they were looking for and to embrace the name, figuring that if they didn't get a reaction they'd get tired of calling me "Jeff Goldblum" and the name would die a natural death. But that hasn't happened yet. So now I'm stuck with the name.
And it's eating me alive.
So, if you see me in the halls and you call me "Jeff Goldblum," yes I'll respond, and no I won't roll my eyes, but you're killing me inside. Just, fyi.
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10 comments:
Maybe you should write a script for Jeff Goldblum. Submit it to his agent using the "I look like you" hook.
DAD
Dad, I don't think the "I look like you" hook really works. But i'll try it.
(However, I won't go so far as the Brad Pitt lookalike guy--do you remember him? He was in US magazine for a few weeks--all of these women reported that they'd been picked up on by Brad Pitt in someplace like Cairo or Casablanca, but it wasn't really Brad Pitt just some guy who looked A LOT like him.) (Not that looking like Jeff Goldblum opens a lot of doors with the ladies.) (Not that I want a lot of doors with the ladies to be opened.) (You know what I mean.
You also don't want the huge caveman beard that the fake brad pitt had either.
Hey! I thought that was you kissing Geena Davis!
http://lebaiser.free.fr/photos/Belle.jpg
Good on ya!
That IS me kissing Geena Davis. She and I dated for a while.
Actually, Eleanor, i DO want the big caveman beard.
You still DON'T look like Jeff to me. And I never liked him anyway!
Thank you and amen.
Okay, first of all... ew.
Second of all, do you ever wonder if your "students" read your blog?
Third, check your email.
Eleanor
oh pooper, you'll always look like a handsome poop to me. anyway, all teenagers are stupid. a broad generalization i will always stand by.
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