Nine Things

1. It's hella cold, y'all!

2. (sometimes I enjoy saying things like I'm Britney Spears) (because doesn't "it's hella cold, y'all" sound exactly like Britney Spears talking?) (I mean, I honestly can't imagine anyone saying that sentence IRL except for Britney Spears) (because "hella" is a NorCal word and "y'all" is more Southern, but they're both very Britney) (it always amazing me how dumb she sounds on talk shows) (because, frequently exposed vagina aside, she's obviously smart) (okay, i realize that "obviously" and "smart" aren't the first two words you would combine when describing Britney Spears, but it's true, she has an amazing business savvy, and if she didn't then she wouldn't be such a big popstar) (you know what i mean, y'all?) (but, despite her obvious smartness, she talks really stupid) (how did this blogpost suddenly get hijacked by random Britney Spears ramblings?) (sorry about that) (i think it's because it's so hella cold right now, i can't think straight) (oh, and if you write the word "spears" several times in a paragraph, it stops looking like a word) (oh, and I should have written "random ramblings about Britney Spears" rather than "random Britney Spears ramblings" because "random Britney Spears ramblings" makes it sound like Britney's doing the actual rambling, but maybe it's so cold in this room that I'm going crazy and Britney's, like, taking over my brain or something) (that's a really scary thought) (so cold!)

3. I know it's ridiculous for someone in Southern California to complain about the cold, but when I woke up this morning there was ice on the front lawn.

4. Given, it wasn't a lot of ice. I tried to take a picture of it, but couldn't get a good angle that really showed off the ice as much as I wanted it to show off the ice. (i.e. a picture that would make the ice look as foreboding as it felt.)

5. I don't think I've ever begun a sentence with the word "given" before just now.

6. Anyway, back to the cold, I'm teaching today and the thermostat is broken and freezing cold air is blowing into the room and if I don't have pneumonia by the end of the day, I'll be pleasantly surprised. I think it's negative 300 degrees in here.

7. I have to poop so badly right now. Not in a "I'm cramping up and this could be bad" way, more in a "I can feel a solid piece of poop in my intestines and it's uncomfortable" way.

8. Maybe my bowels will freeze and then I won't feel the poop urge as strongly as I'm feeling it right now.

9. I'm sorry if this post just got really disgusting. First it was hijacked by Britney Spears and then it was hijacked by poop. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's just really fucking cold.