Future Kids

I’ve decided that when I have children, I want to name them after Beatles songs. (God, I'm really Beatles obsessed lately.) Which means, assuming my future husband is cool with the idea of naming our tykes after Beatles songs, (and cool with the fact that I either want one kid, or four kids, or nine kids), then when we have kids they will be named one (or four) (or nine) of the following names.

POTENTIAL GIRL NAMES:

--Eleanor-- (lovely name) (and my friend Eleanor would think that I'm naming my kid after her) (which I would be) (I'd be naming Eleanor after both Eleanors, the song Eleanor and the real friend Eleanor) (and also, whenever we got together with friend Eleanor, friend Eleanor would probably give kid Eleanor lots of extra special attention, and kid Eleanor would feel extra loved) (so that would be cool)

--Honey-- (this is an okay name) (but is it a slutty name?) (no offense to real Honeys out there, I'm just wondering) (I mean, it's a perfectly acceptable term of affection, but as an actual real name...it just seems slutty to me, I don't know why) (maybe it's because Honey comes from the song "Wild Honey Pie" and I don't want to think of my future daughter being anyone's "wild honey pie") (they grow up so quick) (also, I'm not sure if I want the "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" double reference)

--Jude-- (my favorite potential name so far) (and I realize that Jude is probably more often thought of as a boy's name, but I think Jude could go either way)

--Julia-- (julia is an "ocean child," which is nice) (seashell eyes) (that's sweet) (and her namesake song would has a very lyrical, lullaby feel to it) (definitely a potential)

--Lady-- (this one would be weird) (but I kinda like it because it's weird) (but it's also kinda wrong to give your kid a name that you know is weird just for the fact that it's weird) (I had this friend named Apple in elementary school--waaaaay before Gwyneth named her kid Apple--and this one time, when I was, like, nine, I said to Apple, "hey, Apple, do you want to eat an Aaaaapppple???" And she looked at me, crushed, and said: "are you making fun of my name?" and the way she said it--the weight beneath her words--you could feel that so many people had made fun of her name, but she didn't expect that I would ever be one of those people--and the thing is, I was nine-years-old and nine-year-olds are stupid and I WAS making fun of her name in a stupid nine-year-old way, but fortunately there just happened to be an apple sitting on the table, just out of Apple's view, and I salvaged the moment and said, "no, no, I wasn't making fun of your name, I wanted to know if you wanted to share this apple, Apple," and I grabbed the apple and offered her half of it, and whether or not she knew that I was really making fun of her name, she played off like she didn't know, and balance was restored to the world, and I never made fun of a person's name again) (or if I did, I never did it to their face at least)

--Lucy-- (okay, i LOVE this one because Lucy could be named after both "Lucy in the Sky" and Lucille Ball, and it would be pretty cool to be named after both a Beatles song and one of the funniest people ever)

--Madonna-- (not gonna happen) (but if you have six minutes, THIS makes me laugh)

--Martha-- (do parents still name their kids Martha? Or is Martha a generation old? In which case, is Martha due for a comeback? And if so, will Martha be the next Jennifer?) (I'm happy to bring a name back. In fact, I used to joke that I wanted to have a kid and name him Oedipus because the name Oedipus has certainly gotten a bad rap.) (We'd call him Oed, for short, of course.) (But I think, ultimately, I'd be too superstitious to name a kid Oedipus--Oed or otherwise.)

--Michelle-- (I'm definitely a fan of this choice) (because, hello, great song to be named after) (but would Michelle feel compelled to take French in high school?) (because I took French in high school and in retrospect I wish I'd taken Spanish) (but if I tell Michelle to take Spanish, she'll probably take French to spite me) (and then if I tell her to take French, she'll probably realize I'm using reverse psychology on her, and she'll take French) (I should just let her do what she wants and go back to worrying about global warming)

--Miss Lizzy-- (another weird choice, but I must admit I'm tempted) (Miss Lizzy Patterson just has a nice ring) (and in case you need any clarification, when I say Miss Lizzy Patterson, I mean that her first name would be "Miss," her middle name would be "Lizzy," and her last name would be "Patterson")

--Pam-- (I named one of the characters in my play Sick Pamela, so I kinda already feel like I've named one of my kids Pam, and I don't think I could ever double up like that)

--Penny-- (I don't want to name a kid Penny) (I just don't)

--Pepper-- (is "Pepper Patterson" too alliterative?) (my stepmom's name is Patty, and that has a nice ring, but I'm afraid "Pepper Patterson" just might be too "p" heavy) (on the other hand, it does have a ring) (I just realized that I'm assuming my future husband will let our kids have my last name) (hmmmm, that's gonna be a conversation)

--Prudence-- (I would never name a kid Prudence or Chastity, because that's just cruel)

--Rita-- (I love this name, I don't know why exactly, but it's definitely a strong possibility)

--Sadie-- (great name, but probably not the best song to be named after) (it reminds me of The Accused, because there's that one scene where Jodie Foster is in the parking lot and one of the guys calls after her "hey sexy Sadie!") (I watched The Accused with my Grandmother) (WHEN I WAS TEN) (during the rape scene, Grandma told me to "go stir the spaghetti sauce in the kitchen and I'll tell you when to come back in") (that spaghetti sauce got stirred better than spaghetti sauce has ever gotten stirred before or since)

--Vera-- (okay, I actually really like the name Vera) (I knew a girl named Vera when I was a kid and she was very cool) (but also very hyper) (however, I suppose a lot of kids are hyper and I shouldn't assume that hyperactivity is a quality of Veras specifically)

POTENTIAL BOY NAMES

There are fewer boys names in Beatles songs, so I have fewer boys names to choose from.

--Chuck-- (I realize that Chuck is a kind of hard-edged name, but I like the idea of naming a kid Chuck, as in "just Chuck," as in "not short for Charles," as in, simple, "Chuck")

--Dave-- (Vera, Chuck, and Dave really work as a set, so I'm only going to use these names if I end up with, like triplets) (is it possible to have triplets that aren't all the same sex?) (obviously they wouldn't be identical) (but is that even possible?) (is this a really stupid thing to wonder?) (but I do)

--Father McKenzie-- (yeah, I just threw this name on the list because the Boys Names list was so short) (it's not a real choice)

--Jude-- (I prefer Jude as a girl's name)

--Maxwell-- (it would be twisted to name a kid after Maxwell of silver hammer fame) (I mean, Max is a fine name, but Maxwell?) (so...not going to happen)

--Mr. Kite-- (I'm really stretching for boys names here) (as you can tell)

--Mr. Mustard-- (um)

--Pepper-- (I think this one’s unisex, so I’m putting it on both lists) (his or her nickname could be “sergeant” or “sarg”)

--Rocky-- (I'm afraid too many people would assume the kid was named after the boxer) (which isn't a bad thing, per se, but it might be confusing)

--Wally-- (short for Walrus) (geeez, I'd better just have lots of girls, because this Boys Names list is, for the most part, preposterous)

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Am I missing any names that should be on my list? There must be a few more names that are mentioned within songs (a la "Vera, Chuck, and Dave") that I'm forgetting.