The Woman I Want To Come Into

I’m having a slumber party with Urp tonight. After dinner we’re going to get into our pajamas and have pillow fights and put our underwear in the freezer (or maybe not) (because I don’t want to think about her underwear) (and she doesn’t want to think about my underwear) (yeah, the underwear in the freezer thing is SO not going to happen).

We decided to go see a psychic this afternoon (something I would have called a “New Thing” last year, but we’re not really doing the New Thing thing anymore, so I won’t label it) and we spent most of the afternoon walking around Los Angeles, looking for a psychic (we didn’t actually walk that far, but we walked for about an hour, and walking for an hour in Los Angeles is equivalent to walking for about seven hours in New York)—it was remarkably difficult to find a psychic, which was strange because when you’re driving around LA it feels like you see those neon hands in windows everywhere, but we simply couldn’t find one.

Until we did. This strange woman named Mrs. King who operated out of a tiny little beat-up apartment with several bad couches and a wobbly little dog. Who got absolutely nothing right. Like, for instance, when she found out that Urp was engaged (after seeing the ring on Urp’s finger), she pointed at me and asked, “is this your fiancé?” And we were both like, “um, no.”

Still, I thought I would jot down the things she told me, in case any of them come true, I can look back on this post and be like, “wow, Mrs. King wasn’t full of it like we thought,” and then I can go back to her and drop another twenty bucks her way. She really does need a new couch, after all.

Things the palm reader lady told me:

1. I’m confused. (um, not really) (but maybe she was) (just you wait, you’ll see where her “confusion” comes into play a little later down in this list)

2. I’m frustrated. (sometimes, I guess, but I don’t think I’m frustrated enough for that to be one of my defining traits) (oh, and hello, vague and general, right?)

3. I’m a jealous person. (sooooooo not true) (at all)

4. I’ve had two relationships end because of jealousy. (again, not true) (see my response to #3: "sooooooo not true") (not a jealous person)

5. I’m in a lot of pain. (jesus, this psychic really has it out for me) (I have my moments of angst, sure, but I wouldn’t say I’m a walking wound or anything)

6. 2006 was a really bad year for me. (okay, it wasn’t the best year) (the first half of the year was definitely better than the second half of the year) (the stuff in the second half of the year that was “bad” was family stuff that has since settled down, stuff that I would categorize more as “difficult” than as “bad,” and ultimately there was a lot of growth, and good things come out of change, and all that, and I’m sorry I’m being so vague but it’s not bloggable) (and a lot of good things came out of 2006 too) (like the blog, for starters) (so to just say that “2006 was a really bad year,” as a blanket statement, is totally foolish)

7. I want a family. (okay, yes, I do, but she had a fifty percent chance of getting that one right)

8. I’m having problems with a family member whose name begins with the letter “M.” (that’s a no)

9. I’m going to publish a book this year (it might be helpful if I was writing a book) (and the only reason she even knew I was a writer is that I told her: “I’m a writer.”) (but maybe I should write a book this year and get it published so she can be right about at least one thing)

10. A woman whose name begins with the initial “D” will help me out in my career this year. Someone who I haven’t met yet. (Okay, cool, I’ll look out for her.)

11. I am going to make a lot of money this year. And when I do, I should come back to her and buy another palm reading. (She actually said I should do this.) (And hey—if I do make a lot of money this year, I’ll give Mrs. King another run.)

12. I will find true love this year. (Sounds great, but wait for it) (this is what I was talking about when I said that she was “confused”)

13. I will find true love this year. With a woman. (there we go) (Grandma will be so excited)

14. Or, to use her exact words: “You will find the woman you want to come into this year.” (Um, could you repeat that?)

15. Again, with her thick Armenian accent: “You will find the woman you want to come into this year.”

And then she kept going on and on about how I was going to find my woman this year, and Urp and I kept trying not to laugh, and she finally finished her reading and we paid her and we left—quickly—and as soon as we got outside we both burst into laughter.

But as we walked back to Urp’s house, I think I had a little more bounce in my step because now I know this is going to be my year. The year I’m going to find the woman I want to come into. I’ll let you know when I find her.