Tuesday, July 17, 2007

July 15, 1994

I figure it’s time for another installment of my recently unearthed (and insanely profound) high school diary. In today’s episode, I wax rhapsodic about my brother Josh’s first foray into acting (if I’m doing the math right, he was eight when I wrote this) and I pontificate about O.J. Simpson’s fate.

July 15, 1994

Today I saw Josh perform a scene and a song for a class. Is this a beginning? As much as I hope it is, pity he who goes into acting for a living, for I know there isn’t much out there to make a living off of in ratio to the number of actors out there.

(Holy crap, I cannot believe what a tool I was. Um, “pity he”????)

Today was long and exhausting and I am going to curse myself tomorrow for not going to be early.

(And that’s all I said about that. I have no idea what was so long and exhausting about that July day in 1994—apparently I had much more important matters to discuss in my diary. Read on.)

I saw someone selling t-shirts that had O.J. Simpson’s face and in bold letters said “NOT GUILTY.” This supports my conviction that it will be impossible to find an impartial jury. Who is to blame but the media? They have made the O.J. case into a media frenzi (sic) that resembles more circus than integrity. Because of the media, no one in the U.S. has been left without an opinion on whether O.J. is guilty or innocent. And unless O.J. makes a confession, we never will know. (I think I was trying to sound really smart by inverting the “never” and the “will” in that sentence.) But everyone has made up in their mind a decision about his guilt/innocence. I would not call someone who wore an “O.J. NOT GUILTY” shirt impartial and I do not see how O.J could possibly have a fair trial. I am afraid that the media has made a mockery of this case and because of this I fear that O.J. will go free, whether he is guilty or not. No—I am not impartial either. I believe O.J. to be guilty. (Why am I talking like that??? “I believe O.J. to be guilty”???? Seriously, I was such a tool.) Could the media frenzi (sic) surrounding this case elimanate (sic) all form of justice from our legal system? Maybe I’m so upset by this because I feel the media drawing me in, too.

(Now get ready for a quick topic shift. What I find most absurd about these diary entries is that you can just smell how important I thought they were. It’s so obvious that I wasn’t writing for myself, but for a future biographer. I am genuinely mortified by the next paragraph and for a moment I considered skipping it altogether, but whatever, pushing on.)

Whore. Usually such a derogative word, but when used towards a good friend it is the most freeing and exhilarating word to use. It connotates a sense of teasing and trust in the other person for it is used in the most friendly context. I discovered this when I went out with my friends and we discovered that if we were ever frustrated our frustration was gone if we only called each other “fucking whores.” We all knew that we were joking and these words are actually very fun to say. Fucking whore. (Maybe Isaiah Washington had a similar attitude towards the word faggot and that’s why he didn’t really get the whole brouhaha?) It’s such a release. Our society puts such harsh criticism against such “dirty” words. And isn’t forbidden fruit the sweetest. (Oh my god.) In my circle of friends, “fucking whore” has become a term of affection. (Jesse? Lane? Gina? Do you remember this at all? Or was I writing COMPLETELY out of my ass here?)

(And now for another complete tonal shift.)

The Drovers is an excellent band. Try to find their CD, they must have one. (Who the fucking whore am I talking to??? Am I telling my biographers to buy the CD??? Because I know that I already had it and that whole “they must have one” thing was just me feigning ignorance.) I heard them play for the first time with my Grandpa and Joanne at the Golen Globe Awards—at the after-party, no less! (Who talks like this?) A kind man gave us his tickets after we were through ogling stars. (“A kind man”—I sound like I’m a peasant boy in 18th century London.) They were like no band I’ve ever heard before, they have their own distinctive sound, very Irish. Well, they were in the movie Blink, too. Their music was the only good thing about the movie. I’m determined to find their CD. (I swear, I already had it. I know I did. I was such a diary liar.) I am also determined to hear Violent Femmes live in concert. They are so amazing. Most likely my favorite group. (Notice how I wasn’t willing to fully commit to them as my favorite group? Just a feeble most likely. I was a doof.)

*

I'm too tired to transcribe the next entry tonight, but it's a good one and I'll post it soon--it's all about the first time I got drunk, when I was 15. Good stuff.

(I just noticed the date of this entry and realized that it's basically from EXACTLY thirteen years ago. Thank God for age.)

12 comments:

Rebecca said...

I *heart* the diary entries! Reminds me of my HS journal which I would IN NO WAY post on the net. You're much braver than I am!

Gina said...

It's weird because I don't remember you calling us fucking whores or us calling you fucking whores....and I certainly don't see Lanie throwing that term around. I think you were living a secret life in your mind that you maybe found more interesting to write about in your diary. Hmmm? But here's the weird thing, I call my friends whores NOW. My best and closest friends are my little whores. Maybe I just had a delayed reaction to it?
love, G xo

p.s. did you see Victoria Beckham last night? It was sooo good. Totally major!

Lanie said...

I don't remember us ever calling each other that. But that certainly doesn't mean that it didn't happen! :) Although, you know me and the f-word, I had such issues back then....okay, still do! :) Love you!

Lanie

communicatrix said...

This is beyond awesome, as is your courage and sense of humor in posting it. You need to get hooked up w/ Leah Peterson, and fast: http://www.laangst.com/

Erik said...

Rebecca, I'm glad you're enhoying them. (Okay, I like that typo.) You should TOOOOOTALLLLLLY post your HS journal on your blog! It's freeking to acknowledge how mindblowingly foolish we once were. (Okay, again, I'm leaving the typo--obviously, I meant to say "freeing," but maybe "freeking" is more appropriate.)

Erik said...

Gina, I don't remember it either. Maybe I was lying in my diary? Or maybe it WAS a secret life in my mind??? I remember the card game we all invented though--that we called "Whore"--do you remember that??? Or is that part of my secret life too? I swear I have the instructions we wrote out somewhere. It was one night at Diedrich's.

Erik said...

Lanie, I can't picture you calling anyone a fucking whore. But i CAN picture you getting creeped out by the rest of us calling each other fucking whores, so maybe it happened?

Erik said...

Thank you, Colleen.

I just checked out Leah's website and it's super cool. I'm going to submit something to her.

Erik said...

I just want to say, to no one in particular, that my blog was "locked" by blogger because the blogger computer has flagged it as a potential "spam blog" and I'm not allowed to post a new entry until the humans at blogger have gotten a chance to review my blog and determine that it is not, indeed, spam.

1. So...sorry, gentle readers.

2. And please hurry humans, I have a post I wanna post.

Anna said...

Hi Erik,
the diary shit is HILARIOUs, you are totally a Charles Dickens protagonist. don't stop.
xoxox

christy said...

OMG I want to read your whole diary on your blog. I laughed so hard I cried.

(It makes me want to post my old diary entries on my blog - they're in a basement in...Amish Country...but I totally think I was writing to a future biographer, too. And I was also a diary-liar. If I remember, I was always lying about my weight so my future biographer, I suppose, would write about my physical perfection as a youth...)

It sounds to me like you were actually speaking to them from beyond the grave, like, "There must still be some CD in Christiandom from that fortnight long ago when I was but a boy."

You are brilliant. Can't wait to see you tonight!!!

xoxo

Erik said...

dear anna,

pity he who is totally a Charles Dickens protagonist. i won't stop, though. i promise.