The following is a verbatim transcription of a conversation that took place yesterday between me and some Freshman dude named James.
James walks into the class, looks at me.
JAMES: Are you our sub?
JAMES: (looking at the board) Your name’s Mr. Patterson?
JAMES: Did you know our real teacher’s name is Mr. Patterson?
ME: Yeah. I know. Freaky.
JAMES: Did anyone ever tell you that you look like—
ME: Don't say it—
JAMES: That actor, that guy—
ME: No, I don’t.
JAMES: The guy from Independance Day—
ME: Seriously. Don't say it—
JAMES: Jeff, uh—
ME: Dude. Stop.
JAMES: Bloomberg. Jeff Bloomberg.
ME: It’s Goldblum.
JAMES: Yeah, that’s it! You look like Jeff Goldblum.
And in my head I’m all “oh my freaking god” because I’ve been getting “you look like Jeff Goldblum” since 1993 and I’m so over it and I really wish Jeff Goldblum would do the decent thing and just, like, fade away into obscurity, or stop looking like me.
And then this girl Kylie is like:
KYLIE: Actually, I think you look like Vince Vaughnn.
And then, even though I think I look way more like Jeff Goldblum than like Vince Vaughnn, I turn to Kylie and I’m totally like:
ME: Thank you—Vince Vaughnn is way better than Jeff Goldblum.
KYLIE: I know.
And then this other girl, Danica, pipes in with:
DANICA: Actually, I think you look like my dentist, except my dentist has a bigger nose than you do.
And then I put the kibosh on this conversation and shush everyone so I can take roll.
UPDATE: Hey, check out this pic I just found. It's me and me.