Wednesday, November 15, 2006

In Which I Attempt To Give A Blog Tutorial About Proper Usage of the Word "Natch," But Then Get Tired of Said Tutorial and Forgoe It Entirely, Natch

Someone found my blog today by googling the phrase “use natch in a sentence,” and I’m more than happy to oblige. Since I started teaching, I’ve been dealing with questions like that a lot lately. Like, for instance, just today I was asked to define the words “devoid,” “significantly,” and “morose.” I was happy to supply those definitions, but I’m even more happy to help out someone who’s trying to incorporate the word “natch” into their daily vocabulary because come-the-freak-on: “natch” is a great fucking word, natch.

(Wait, before I get to the meat of this blog entry, which is to supply some natchless soul with examples of “how to use natch in a sentence,” I need to go on a quick diversion, natch, and say that I recently had an email exchange with my friend Lara and I was asking her about her young daughter, the sweetest little girl you’ll ever meet, and Lara mentioned that her daughter’s “favorite words are everything, adorable, poop, and totally, and she peppers all thoughts with them.” How totally adorable is that? I mean, poop—right? Isn’t she your favorite child in the world? Because two of MY favorite words just happen to be “poop” and “totally” and I could definitely see how “everything” and “adorable” are pretty great words in and of themselves, and Lara’s email got me thinking about what my favorite words are.) (And I’m not talking about favorite words in a general James Lipton sense, i.e. words that you like but don’t necessarily say all that often. I’m talking about favorite words that you use constantly. Like, you might not necessarily even know they’re your favorite words but if someone made an audiotape of all of your conversations for a week and then tallied how often each word in your vocabulary came up, you would have to concede that something like “totally” is obviously your favorite damn word because you use it so pooping much.) (Like, I might say to James Lipton that “natch” was one of my favorite words, except if I said that then it would be a lie because even though I enjoy typing the word, I don’t actually ever really use it in actual spoken conversation. Just blog conversation.) (And also I wouldn’t tell James Lipton that “natch” was my favorite word because it would be a pretty lame answer.) (People would be, like, “natch? Really?”) (I enjoy watching The Actors Studio, despite the whole he’s-full-of-hot-air thing, and the one moment from The Actors Studio that I’ve always remembered as a kind of sucker-punch to the gut was when James Lipton asked Gene Wilder what his “least favorite word” was and Gene Wilder answered: “cancer.”) (I miss Gilda Radner.) (But back to my point—actually, not back to my original point but back to my second original point—I would have to say that the words I use most often in actual speech, i.e. my default favorite words, would definitely have to be: “dude,” “really,” “right,” and “poop.”)

Um, okay, this blog entry was going to be a whole tutorial on how to correctly use the word “natch,” but then I got tired of writing this blog entry and was like “I’ll finish it later,” but then I was like “do you think, realistically, that you’ll finish this blog entry later?” And the answer was no, natch. So I’m just gonna go ahead and post what I wrote without the whole natch tutorial because no one really cares about the whole natch tutorial anyway, natch, and I haven’t posted much of anything in over a week and it’s time to feed the blog beast, natch.

16 comments:

TheDarkerUma said...

argh!

who?

argh! argh!

you are covering my sacred name again!

and oddly enough poop has become my most said word as of late.

jake does not ride reindeer correctly, keira!

aimie/poop said...

my most-used words are:

dude
totally
poop
boob/boober/boobie
babe
little
sure
gorgeous
fuck
yeeeah (this is on everyone's list. we should maybe entertain the idea of compiling a list of neutral words that everyone obviously uses all of the time. like "like.")

and, phrases:
museum archival frame
certificate of authenticity
limited edition (obviously from my hosting job and i must say those phrases dozens of times a week)

i'd like to also say that i think i use the word "cunt" more often than the average american but certainly not enough to warrant being included on the list. but, i want credit where it is due.

Erik said...

Urp, you're always getting your name lost there underneath the blog post title, aren't you?

erik does understand oh old missus titty

Erik said...

aimspoop,

i like to think of you using those phrases frequently in your everyday non-hosting life. People would be like, huh? Whatchoo talkin' about? and shit.

TheDarkerUma said...

aimie,

cunt is my 2nd most used word. but mostly in private in fear that oprah will scold me.

see you friday.

love ums

Erik said...

I can vouch for both Aimie and Uma's frequent usage of the word "cunt." If anyone's counting. I wanted to accidentally spell that last word like "cunting" but then I thought "that's not even funny" and then I thought "and it doesn't even make any sense" and then I thought "you should just go to bed, erik, you've done too much thinking today."

evil underwear xeroxes if registered

Erik said...

gosh darnit, anyone want xeroxes? please kiss me.

(that's just a word verification phrase)

(I'm really into the word verification phrase game right now)

(I like seeing what random gobbledygook people come up with)

(they're like these strange Poloroids of peoples' brains)

(or like little haikus, except smaller than haikus, and less syllablic-centric)

TheDarkerUma said...

word.
go to bed and get some rest.

elijah (sp?) is repressed except usually jaded juveniles grapple

Erik said...

you spelled elijah right, i think.

i'm going to bed now.

elderly freaks go jerky on verdant dingos

Anonymous said...

everyone zips the cunt word over girl igloos.

is this how i play the game?

i am posting this anonymously, as i was annoyed i had to create a blogger account to join the book club.

Erik said...

oh anonymous one, YES, yer playing the word verification game super correctly.

damn! and i pleased everyone in retrospect.

(that was my word verification phrase)

drc said...

So I have a question...which word is worse? Cunt or bitch? I tell my bf I would rather be a bitch than a cunt and he tells me that bitch is much worse. Who is right?

Only giggly women make nice guys zing

aimie said...

yes, urp! i remember your love of cunt-ing now (poop, i used it!). i do definitely test my company when i use it. sometimes people flinch like i licked their faces. but, is it worse than cock? or dick? anyway, it's the only aggressive feminine slang word (as opposed to the dozens of aggressive masculine terms and weak feminine terms). and, i never use the word "pussy" for anything outside of bed because i hate its contemporary wimpy connotations.

and, i think the word bitch is on par with nigger and fag. those in the marginalized groups can use it (although i never say nigger or fag). and, the only person i call a bitch is my boyfriend.

have i always been so full of opinions when it comes to language? i particularly blame my feminist philosophy professor, marcia homiak. that was the best class i took in college. she is a cunting rockstar.

i owe you orange juice again!

Anonymous said...

"Cunting" is one of my favorite words. I think I heard it first in A Clockwork Orange. I never use it because, as people have said, throngs of sensitive souls, and Oprah, would get cunting mad. Under Your Bikini Kitten Needs Intercourse

Anonymous said...

it stings, it burns, but i love the discussion.

i think cunt is much worse than bitch, though i like aimie's idea that it is a feminine agressive slang word. as someone on the board of bitch magazine (go subscribe!) i agree with the idea of recovery of language formerly used to degrade, a la the n-word and the three letter f word - (and dyke, while we are on the topic).

finally, i most appreciate aimie's comment "i never use the word 'pussy' for anything outside of bed because" as it so clearly indicates that she uses it IN bed, and that's a whole lot of fun, intimate sharing. so thanks.

lindsaylindsay

dude, hot f-n badass new definitions.

aimie said...

oh, linds! i can't BELIEVE i left out "dyke!" that was cunty of me!

and, yes, you are absolutely right. a little view into my giggly and wild bedroom. strangely enough, i don't think i've used "cunt" in bed. guess i'll have to try that.

oh, and linds, do you read bust magazine? it's my favorite and i've subscribed for years now. it's fabulous. will pick up bitch, too! xoxo

gwdfv
good women defend frightening vocabulary