Sunday, February 12, 2006

Feeling Haiky: My Night of Haiku

Sheila over at The Sheila Variations wrote this very funny post about a time in her life when she and her friends were obsessed with haikus, and that got me thinking about the time in my life when I and many of my friends were obsessed with haikus. I'm talking about My Haiku Year. I think it was 1999. I wrote one haiku a day for an entire year, as did several of my friends.

Obviously I have an obsession with doing 365 particular things in one year, hence My Year of New Things and My Haiku Year.

(I keep accidentally typing "haiky" instead of "haiku." I understand that the "y" and the "u" are right next to each other on the keyboard, but I'm really annoyed that I keep typing "haiky" instead of "haiku" and now I want "haiky" to just be a motherfucking word so I can stop fixing it already.)

My mom and I used to swear at each other a lot, but not in a bad way, more because it was fun. Not that we were ever as bad as Swearengen from Deadwood or anything. (Not that I've ever even seen the show, but I know enough about it to reference it when I'm talking about people who swear; I mean, shit, I know Swearengen fucking uses the word "cocksucker" a lot.)

Not that I've ever heard my mother say the word "cocksucker," but still, we've been known to talk like foul-mouthed sailors around each other. You know, "fuck this" and "shit that." We say things like "fuck" and "shit" to each other because it's fun to say words like "fuck" and "shit," especially when you're saying them around your kid or your mother--no, not only around them, but "to" them.

My mom and I started swearing like sailors to each other when I was fifteen or so. Up until that point I don't think I had ever even whispered a curse word. (I was a very proper child.) But then one day I realized that words are words and words are supposed to be used. And not using a specific word just because it was "bad"? Well, "fuck that shit," is what I said to that. And that's when my mom and I started swearing like sailors.

But then, this one time, I think it was my senior year of high school, we were in the kitchen, and my mom called me a "motherfucker."

Think about it for a second.

My mom. Called me. A "motherfucker."

And then we both froze and the word hung in the air for what felt like five hundred years--because we both heard the implication of the word, and we were both like, "whoa, nelly--someone just took the joke too far." I think that was the first time I ever understood that, though words are words and words should be used, it's all about context.

So now my mom and I still swear around each other, but we know our limits.

I'm still annoyed that "haiky" isn't a real word. And I'm even more annoyed that I can't think of how to make it into a word, i.e. if it were a word, what would it mean?

Maybe "haiky" shoud be an adjective that describes someone who's in the mood for haikus. So you might say something like, "I'm feeling kind of haiky right now," and then you might abandon your blog entry and just write a bunch of random haikus, and no one could be annoyed with you because what are you gonna do? You're feeling haiky. Might as well write some damn haikus.

My brain makes up words.
I think I had a stroke once
while I was sleeping.

Oh man, I'm hungry.
Can't write any more haikus
when I'm this hungry.

Dude, seriously--
I think I had a stroke once.
Not even kidding.

Is it wrong to have
a total huge crush on Sean
from Degrassi High?

I just googled him.
He's 21 in real life.
I don't feel so bad.

How awesome is this:
"Dick Cheney shoots hunting bud."
Fucking awesome, right?

Now that he's legal,
I'll admit: I love "The N."
Three words: "Sean. Is. Back."

Shit, I'm still starving.
The fridge is filled with cookies.
Awesome: cookie break!

(Ain't gonna lose weight
if you keep eating cookies
this late.) Whatever.

Man, cookies are good.
Choc'late chips get my rocks off.
So does Degrassi.

Please, any comments
on this particular post
should be in haiku.

So if you're feeling
all "haiky" and shit, please leave
a 5-7-5.


Ralph Colby said...

Not much for Haiku
I am sending this ditty
With words not in curse.

Ah blog number 8
Visit line number 37
Love, conquers all son.

communicatrix said...

Swearing is easy
It's the restraint that is hard
You motherfucker

Poop (aka Aimie) said...

feeling haiky too
a sequel to the first round
the challenge is on

Erik said...

Not one to mince words:
I just pooped a huge ass shit.
And now I feel good.

aims said...

poop- she is a brave
and fickle muse taunting our
bums with lofty dreams...

Angela said...

the old toilet bowl
into it, a warm poop drops
sound of flushing

Bonnie said...

Your punkass mother
must be very proud of you.
Dinner time, Kiki!

Erik said...

Dirty coffee shop
Focused writers distract me
With all their typing

DSL here sucks.
Oh, DSL, you dumb turd.
Just connect, dammit.

Erik said...


Anonymous said...

Boredom and brilliance
go together. Wake boy up
with bad words. It worked.

Erik said...

Is it ironic?
Her shirt screams "Die Hipster Scum"
Or is it just dumb?

Erik said...

I wish I went to
Degrassi Community School
Uma loves Sean too


Today I met God
weaving through busy traffic
on the 101

Erik said...

not every haiku
is gonna be a good one
allow yourself crap

Mrs. Kickass said...

Been thinking of you
I'm directing at Oxi
Love reading your thoughts

Erik said...

ah, mrs. kickass!
your smiling face makes me smile.
redundant but true.