I'm fascinated by how people find my blog.
Two of the recent searches that led people to my blog include "a league of their own long peeing scene" and "revenge of the nerds peeing scene," hence the title of this post.
First of all, I fully think that peeing is funny, but pooping is funnier, in the hierarchy of “things that are funny.”
However, I don’t think that the people who are Googling "a league of their own long peeing scene" and “revenge of the nerds peeing scene” are Googling these scenes because they think they’re funny. No, I think these people are Googling "a league of their own long peeing scene" and “revenge of the nerds peeing scene” in order to satisfy a different “f-word,” and no, it’s not that one either.
What I’m trying to say is, I think these people probably have a...(and imagine I’m whispering here)...fetish.
Okay, honestly, I don’t know why I whispered that last word. Maybe it’s because I live in a country where we still don’t really talk about things like sexuality in as free a manner as we should. A country that I love, but that is way too concerned with legislating things like “morality. ” A country that I love, but that is not nearly concerned enough with things like, oh, um, “gun control” and “civil liberties” and “justice for all.”
I don’t mean to get all political, but the way I see it, if you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, and if it makes you happy, and you’re both consenting adults, (and like I said before, but I’ll say it again, just to make sure we’re clear) and you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, then more power to you.
Which is to say, if you’ve got a pee fetish, and it makes you happy, then you are, like, totally welcome at my blog!
While you’re here, you can read my post about my epic long pee (the post that brought you here in the first place) and then, if you want, you could leave, or, better, you could stay, and then you could read more about My Year of New Things, or about the Difference Between Dorks and Nerds and Geeks, or about My Date with Dustin.
Just wash your hands at the door and we’re golden.
Now, I don’t know who you are. I just know how you came to my blog. Google, however...Google knows exactly who you are. Because according to recent reports, Google has records of everything you and I have ever Googled for at least the past three years, and probably even further back. This is scary because, well, (and I’m sorry I’m getting political again, but) George Bush, the schmuck, is trying to get this information out of Google.
I have no beef with Google. Google rocks. I love Google. They’re trying to safeguard our personal info. Keep fighting the good fight, Google.
However, George Bush, the schmuck—he says he wants our Google records so that he can protect us. Bull honkey. He really wants our records because he doesn’t believe in things like our personal freedom.
Bush’s regime is totally straight out of Orwell’s 1984. Instead of saying “freedom is slavery” and “ignorance is strength” and “war is peace,” George Bush’s mottos are “spying is personal freedom” and “lying is truth” and, of course, “war is peace”—yeah, he learned that one from Orwell’s book and he’s certainly doing a number with it.
Ug. I just…I just think that people should be able to Google without being afraid that their Googling is going to be misconstrued and get them in trouble. I think some things must remain sacred. I think that people who like pee should be able to like pee, and they should be able to like it anonymously, if that’s how they want to do it. Their searches for things like "a league of their own long peeing scene" and “revenge of the nerds peeing scene” should not be stored in a file along with their name and number and social security code and shopping habits and health history and god-knows-what-other-information can be found out about all of us online.
Since the government cannot steal information that I provide willingly, I am going to post a list of Google searches I have made in the last week. I’m taking a few things off of the list—this list would be too embarrassing if it included all of the people I have Googled—basically, if I met you in the last seven days, I’ve Googled you, because I Google everyone I meet (we all do, right?)—but I’m leaving other embarrassing things on the list because I’m not really ashamed of anything, and having just looked at the list, I think it’s a really funny list. If George Bush got a hold of this list of Google searches, I honestly don’t know what he’d make of it. He’d probably think I was gay and leave it at that.
Here’s the list:
"Amy aquino" "Freaks and geeks"
"ark of the covenant"
"Ben franklin" "I need to lay off the sauce"
"big brother" "freedom is"
"boston legal" ABC
"brokeback to the future"
"Brooke burke" imdb
"Denver theatre center"
"Derek hughes" magic
"emily valentine" 90210
"Gold rush!" "mark burnett"
"Grey gardens" "hung up"
"grey's anatomy" "Missed episode"
"grey's anatomy" "repeat"
"grey's anatomy" reair
"grey's anatomy" superbowl "tivo problems"
"grey's anatomy" superbowl tivo problem
"grey's anatomy" tivo
"grey's anatomy" tivo didn't tape
"handlebar mustache" reaction
"hitting a penguin"
"los angeles angels" roster
"Mary Pat Gleason"
"Mythical item" water
"Sam weir" Freaks and geeks
"The contender" ESPN
"The descendants" milo
"Valentine victorious" review
"Will go platinum"
“I speak the only language I need to” “the language of love”
“it’s for my pussy” Wet hot american summer
“no one was home at rayanne’s house”
“sex and the city” “my motherboard, my self”
“take a page from”
“whatever happened to” “michael shoeffling”
73 freeway "newport coast drive"
adopt a pet games win
bay area playwrights
blair gauntlet 2 blog
bring it on imdb
butthole of America
California mega million lottery results
clark gregg is gay
crops in baker California
derrick from real world
derrick from real world is a pit bull
door to door storage
emmy nomination "best director"
firhouse theatre project
firehouse theatre project
garbage pail kids
garbage pail kids series one
gerard "the last holiday" latifah
ghostbusters proton pack
Gilmore girls episode guide
goodnight and goodluck imdb
gremlins rules bright light
heat up to
hottest tv actors
how to kill a crab
INXS Don’t Change lyrics
INXS Never Tear Us Apart lyrics
is clark gregg gay?
is jay harrington gay?
kids hate vegetables
occidental college transcript registrar
office depot spray paint
pictures of Daniel Cartier
pictures of Daniel Cartier naked
robin hood prince of thieves theme
Sandra oh speaks
the guy in the cow shake commercial
the kinds of friends who just show up "My motherboard, my self"
the real world boston
the smallest town in Arizona is
upn wb merge
White boy shuffle
who wrote Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
world’s largest bar of soap
world’s largest carwash
yeti penguin game
I can’t believe I just put that list on my blog. It’s kinda like I just showed you the contents of my trash can. Now you know who I have a crush on and what television shows I’m obsessed with and, well, I’m not gonna psychoanalyze myself and try to figure out what else you might know about me from that list because I don’t want to know.
I certainly don’t remember why I Googled even half of these things. Like, um, hello: “hi”? Why on earth would anyone Google the word “hi”? It doesn’t make any sense to me and I’m the one who did it. And not to be stuck in the letter “h,” but why on earth did I Google the phrase “heat up to”? What’s that about? What could I have possibly been trying to find out? I have no freaking clue.
Anyway, George Bush, there you go—you don’t need to subpoena Google to find out what I searched for this week. I’ll tell ya myself.
And if you really want to know who googled "a league of their own long peeing scene" and “revenge of the nerds peeing scene” to find my blog, well then you can piss off.
P.S. Because I am fascinated by how people find my blog—and especially by the Google searches that lead them to my blog—I am going to keep a list of every Google search that brings someone here. My friend Colleen often writes very funny posts about the same topic, and I feel like this is one of her things, and I know that I couldn’t do it even remotely as well or as cleverly as she does it, so I’m not going to put this list into my blog as an entry. Instead, I’m going to hide it somewhere on the blog where I can constantly update it—someplace that’s sort of hidden, but easily findable if you’re industrious. You can look for it if you want; or you can forget about it. However, I am going to put it somewhere on the blog. I’m gonna hide it. Either way, I don’t give a cow. I just want to keep the list somewhere because I am a little bit OCD and I love me a list.
Did you watch Survivor: Panama, Exile Island this week? Remember when Jeff Probst was talking about the hidden immunity idol on exile island, and then he said “I’ve already given you your clue—now find the idol”?
Well, I’ve already given you your clue about where the hidden list is.
Good luck and happy hunting.