Yesterday, my friend David asked me if I always sleep on the same side of the bed.
Yes. Absolutely. Completely. Totally. Why would I sleep on the other side of the bed when the right side is so comfortable and I'm so damned used to it???? Why???
If you're thinking I over-reacted to his suggestion that I might try sleeping on the other side of my bed as a pattern-changing New Thing, then you're right. I did over-react. But, I mean, come on--some routines are ingrained into us.
(Am I using that phrase correctly? "Ingrained into us." You know how sometimes you'll say something and then it will sound so completely wrong? Or you'll type a word too many times and then it will start to look like it's sanskrit or something. Well, I just wrote that phrase "ingrained into us" and now it looks so completely wrong.)
I sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. I never even thought about it until my friend David brought it up, but I have always slept on the side of the bed closest to the door. I think, subconsciously, I sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door so that, if I have a heart attack in the middle of the night, then the paramedics will be able to get to me more quickly because, hello, I'm near the door.
I don't worry about having heart attacks in the middle of the night as much as I used to worry about having heart attacks in the middle of the night, but I still sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door because it's ingrained into me. (Even if that phrase isn't really a phrase--and it very well might be a phrase--I'm going to keep using it until, wait, hold on, I'm gonna just go ahead and google it) (okay, it is a phrase) (why was I so paranoid that it wasn't a phrase?) (what is wrong with me?)
So last night I slept on the other side of the bed, voila: New Thing #37.
And it. Felt. So. Fucking. Weird. Like I was floating in space or something.
But I did it. I made it through the night. On the other side of the bed. As weird as it fucking felt. And I didn't have a heart attack! So I got that New Thing out of the way and now I can go back to sleeping on the correct side of the bed, i.e. the side closest to the door, and if I have a heart attack tonight, then the paramedics will know where to find me.