2am

1. Before I go to bed, I feel compelled to make a list.

2. This is not a list of anything in particular.

3. Why am I even still awake making lists of nothing in particular? I am so tired my eyeballs can barely, like, stay open.

4. I mean, seriously.

5. When I was a kid, my mom, PAM, used to read me bedtime stories, and sometimes, as she was reading, she would start to fall asleep, but she would fight the sleep, and even as her eyes were closing she would try to keep reading, but since her eyes were closing she wouldn't be able to see the words on the page, and so random, non-sensical things would start pouring out of her mouth, and then she'd realize that she wasn't making any sense, and then she would stop reading the bedtime story, but I would urge her to keep reading because the bedtime stories always started to get really good when she stopped making sense.

6. Sometimes I think I overuse the comma.

7. When I was in college, I used to keep a journal, and I would write in it before I went to bed, and I used to fall asleep as I was writing, but I would keep writing, and then the next morning I would wake up and look at my journal and have no recollection of what I had written and it would be really stream-of-conscious and rambly and weird and I felt like I was reading transcriptions of my dreams.

8. My eyeball itches right now.

9. Seriously.

10. I was looking at my statcounter, which tells me where my blog readers come from, and someone read my blog in London tonight.

11. And that made me miss London.

12. So.

13. Fucking.

14. Much.

15. I've been having major pangs for London lately.

16. Obviously.

17. If you, like, have lots of frequent flyer miles, or if you recently won that big Powerball Jackpot in Nebraska, and you read my blog, and you want to take me to London, but you haven't asked me yet because you're afraid that I might say no, you can stop worrying, I will totally say yes.

18. And then I'll take you to Wagamama's, which is only the best Japanese noodle house in the fucking world.

19. My eyeball still itches. I'm trying not to think about it.

20. It's the left eyeball.

21. Now I'm hungry. Why am I hungry?

22. Is this insomnia? Does insomnia make you hungry?

23. Like, if I googled "insomnia" and "hunger," would I get a million hits?

24. There's this guy who is trying to turn a paper clip into a house, and I think he's really cool. I wish I thought of it.

25. There was this girl in college, I can't remember her name, I didn't know her very well, but I'm sure some of the people who read my blog knew her, in fact this girl was in my Faulker/Morrison class and I think that, Lindsay, you were in that class, weren't you, I think you were, anyway, you're not the girl I'm talking about, and wow, I feel like I've started this story off poorly, like super poorly, which reminds me of this girl, a different girl, not the first girl from the Faulker/Morrison class, I'll get back to her in a moment, there was this other girl, this girl who I was evesdropping on at a coffeeshop the other day, she was British, and she was talking to her friend, another girl, a third girl, who was also British, and she told her friend that she was "feeling quite poorly," and then she paused and she said, "I think that's wrong," and her friend said, "what's wrong?" and she said, "if you say, 'I'm feeling quite poorly,' wouldn't that mean that you're bad at feeling?" and her friend said, "I suppose so--you should have said that you're not feeling well," and then the girl who was feeling quite poorly said, "that's right, I'm not feeling well, I'm not feeling well at all," and this was actually a conversation these two girls had, word for word, I'm not making any of it up, and I love these girls, and you should too, and if you're having trouble loving them then you have to imagine them speaking with British accents, and you have to fall in love with them just like I did, because I totally fell in love with them, they were British after all, and what's not to fall in love with British girls, even though they have girl parts rather than man parts, they still have British accents, and I think that a British accent might trump something like sexuality, but I'm rambling, which is because I'm tired, but I'm not so tired that I'm nearly as incoherent as my mother used to be when she would read me bedtime stories when I was a kid, and I haven't fallen asleep yet, so I don't think we're in the territory of my subconscious, or anything like that, but what I was trying to say, before I went off on my British girl tangent, which, as you already know, was perfectly reasonable, because I've been missing London so much lately, and oh man, if I could have some soba noodles from Wagamama's right now, then I think I would die and go to heaven, they're that good, but whatever, I have to stop thinking about soba noodles from Wagamama's because I'm going to obsess and then I really won't be able to go to sleep, but what I was trying to say was that there was this girl in my Faulker/Morrison class who I didn't know very well, but then, one day, someone mentioned to me, offhand, that this girl was "a total nympho," and then, from that day forward, I remember sitting in that class, like, every day, thinking "that girl is a total nympho," I mean, I would just sit there in class wondering if she'd just had sex before class, or if she was going to have sex right after class, or if, god forbid, she missed a class, then I would wonder if she missed the class because she was having sex, and Professor Newhall, if you ever read this blog entry, god forbid, then please accept my apologies for thinking about sex in your class more often than I thought about either William Faulkner or Toni Morrison, but it's the truth, and I know it's weird that I would obsess over this girl's potential nympho status because it's not like I wanted to sleep with her, but now I think I might be getting super close to writing-in-my-sleep territory, so I'm just gonna stop, while I'm ahead, now.

26. Oh my god.