Monday, January 22, 2007

My snotty nose, in detail (don't bother reading this) (and if you do, don't say I didn't warn you)

I remember I wrote something a few months ago (I don't even think it was an entire post, just an aside) about how I was really snotty, and several people told me I was really gross and that I overshare, so I'm just warning you right now that if you were one of those people then you should stop reading NOW, and when I say "now" I really do mean "now." And I'm sorry to be writing a post about snot, but it's all I can think about right now because, okay, the thing is: I have a crummy cold and I've been sitting here blowing my nose for the past, um, several hours, and I'm just...I'm kind of amazed at the body's capacity for snot production. Honestly. Because it really seems quite endless right now. All of the snot. I don't even want to tell you how many boxes of kleenex I've been through because it's embarrassing. And I've taken lots of cold medication and none of it is doing anything to stop the production of all of this snot. The stuff just keeps pouring out of my nose. Okay, if you're still reading this and kinda grossed out, but not totally grossed out, but you think that you've heard enough, then you should really stop reading now, because I'm going to say one more thing, which is: I was standing in the kitchen earlier and snot started oozing out of my nose so quickly that before I could do anything about it, there was literally a puddle on the ground. It was really disgusting. I'm so sorry that I've blogged this, this is way gross. But I warned you.

10 comments:

Michal said...

FIRST. HA! (yay, I'm not a "first" virgin anymore)...

Erik. You must try advil cold and sinus. I know, you dont have a sinus problem, but I promise- it will change your life. NO MAS SNOT.

P.S. I was a little disappointed with all the gross warnings... I thought it was gonna be good... but watery snot... eh.

Erik said...

Michal:

1. I'm glad you lost your "first" virginity. It was getting kind of embarrassing.

2. Whenever I warn people about anything, it never seems big enough for the warning. Ah well.

3. But if you were here and you SAW all of the snot quickly oozing out of my nose and splashing to the ground (there was SPLASH), you would have been grossed out.

Anonymous said...

Your story reminds me of a time when my aunt Esther sat me down for tea and told me stories of when she lived in the French Alps. Like you, she had a cold, but unlike you, she decided to take out her frustration on her husband Tim by taking all his socks and cutting a big hole where the big toe would be. The next morning, Tim, who was very patient and very grim, slowly tried on all his socks and found each one equally destroyed. Finally, he stared at his entire sock collection lying useless on the floor and he said calmly, "Esther...I know you are the culprit. Tonight, you make me chicken noodle soup for dinner. I don't care what you say."

And that was that.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you have a cold. By the way, your new profile pic is yummy. Hope you feel better.

Erik said...

addicted to carl, now you've got me craving chicken noodle soup. i've been drinking my water, but i didn't get any chicken noodle soup.

Erik said...

doug, thanks. i actually took the new profile photo today with my cell phone, so that's me with a cold! fortunately you cannot see any of the aforementioned snot.

Anonymous said...

addicted to carl's story reminded me of the time my aunt the-one-with-paranoid-schizophrenia decided to tell me about the Swiss Alps. It was in a really fancy retaurant in Woodstock, Vermont. But she told me about how I should watch out for any Swiss mountain climbers who will molest me. Then she ran away and hid somewhere.

Eleanor

Erik said...

Eleanor, were you planning on going to the Swiss Alps? Or was this just a random "in case" warning?

Like, my Uncle Jack used to always corner me and tell me that "it's never too early to start getting checked for prostate cancer."

Eleanor said...

Erik,

No, not planning on going. It was just a general warning. I mean, which I guess could make sense. It's not like Swiss mountain climbers are always on a mountain climbing. They have free range -- I could have ran into one in Vermont or Los Angeles or somewhere in between.

Um, I think your Uncle Jack's suggestion was actually creepier. Because my crazy aunt was trying to tell me to AVOID unnecessary molestation, and your uncle is trying to tell you to go get some.

Erik said...

My Uncle Jack was a character, that's all I'll say about it.

And as far as Swiss mountain climbers are concerned, I think the most likely place for you to ever bump into one isn't Vermont or the greater Los Angeles area, but actually on Vermont Ave. in Los Angeles. (Okay, that was supposed to somehow be a joke, but it wasn't even remotely funny and I felt the need to explain that it was supposed to be a joke because I wasn't even sure that you would notice that I was TRYING to be funny, let alone unfunny, that's how not-funny it was.) (Like, it was not-funny in an aggressively boring way.)