Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Reboot, new year: Day One. (pretend I posted this yesterday, on the actual first day of 2007)

Wow. Just holy fucking wow. I just finished writing a huge post. It was epic, I’m telling you. Totally fucking epic. Lord of the Rings style. The first big post of 2007. And then I hit “publish.” And as I was hitting “publish,” I lost my internet connection. And then boom—yow—just like that: the post was gone. Just gone.

I sat here, looking at me computer screen (and I meant to type “my” just now, but I think that this post was starting to turn into a tedious sob story and maybe it won’t feel that way if I write it like I’m a pirate, so I’m embracing the typo) (imagine, if you will, as you read the rest of this paragraph, that I have a wooden leg and an eyepatch) (and a parrot) and I was like, “what the bleeding fuck?” (okay, end pirate mood) (I realize that the pirate thing didn’t last very long, but I could see that it wasn’t going to go anywhere, and sometimes you’ve just gotta nip things in the bud)

It took me about thirty seconds to accept that the post was gone as in really gone (I kept refreshing the page, hoping that maybe the next time it would refresh with all of my words intact, back, returned from the dead) (but that never happened, they never returned) and then I gave myself a mini-lecture about how I should have written the post in Word (which I’m doing right now) and cut-and-pasted it into blogger—because then I never would have lost the post in the first place. And then I decided to stop being down on myself and to eat some chocolate. Which is always a smart move, because then I was all, “yummmmm, chocolate.” But as soon as the chocolate rush subsided, I remembered about the lost post and got mad at myself again and decided to sit down immediately and try to recreate the post from memory. But then I decided that would be foolish and instead I should embrace the newness of the year and just say, “that lost post was so 2006, and the gods of the internet knew it, and that’s why they took it away from me. Now write something for 2007.” So that’s what I’m going to do.

Speaking of 2007, I’m sure a lot of you have been wondering if I’m even going to keep this blog going in 2007. I mean, after all, the dang thing is called “My Year of New Things.” It’s not called “My Years of New Things,” it’s not called “My Life of New Things,” it’s not even called something generic and stupid like “The New Things Blog.” No. It’s called My (freaking) Year (singular) of New (fucking) Things. (I added the “fucking” at the end there because I don’t swear as much on my blog as I used to and I miss swearing, so hello, this blog post was brought to you by the letter “f.”) (I can’t believe I just tried to make a Sesame Street joke.) (I was up playing Monopoly with my brothers until really late last night and then Jesse called me really early this morning and woke me up and so I’m justifiably tired) (that last sentence makes me sound so old) (I mean, I’m complaining about being tired because I stayed up late? ON NEW YEARS EVE???) (and I’m exhausted from PLAYING MONOPOLY???) (And I’m complaining about Jesse waking me up at 10am???) (which is true—he called me at 10am on New Years Day) (who calls someone at 10am on New Years Day???) (That’s like calling someone at 5am on a normal day) (a day that doesn’t follow New Years Eve) (Jesse, I’m going to call you at 5am sometime soon—I’m going to wait just long enough for you to forget that I made this threat and then I’m going to call you and you’re going to hear the phone ring and it’s going to wake you up and you’re going to be like “Dammit Patterson!”) (so watch out) (but back to my point)

Even if you weren’t wondering whether or not I was going to keep this blog going into 2007, you must be wondering now. I mean, Erik’s so frustrated about losing the long epic post he wrote! Arg! (there’s the pirate thing again!) And he only completed 184 New Things this year. Double arg! So right about now you’re totally sitting at your computer worried that this is me signing off the blog forever. Right?

(pausing for dramatic effect)

(Okay, I’m not really such a narcissist that I actually believe you’re sitting there at your computer thinking that, but at least himor me and pretend, for a moment, that you are.) (Wait, “himor me”???) (I need to learn how to type.) (How can I be a writer when I don’t know how to type??? (and then we’re left with phrases like “himor me”) (which I refuse to go back and delete) (because this blog is supposed to be me, warts and all) (and now the phrase “himor me” is fucking growing on me) (so himor me, okay?) (and pretend that you’re really worried that this post is going to be about how I’ve decided that since My Year of New Things is over, then there won’t be any more My Year of New Things blog) (and you’re sitting there with bated breath, hoping hoping hoping it isn’t true) (even though you know that I’m not gonna quit) (because I’m not a quitter) (but still: himor me)

Here’s the thing, though. I could stop blogging, now that My Year of New Things is officially over. (Even though I didn’t do 365 New Things, the year’s done.)


1. I love having a forum where I can just blather on and on and on endlessly about nothing in particular. A place where I can post random lists. (Because I love me some random lists.) A place where I can talk about random crushes (on random actors or on other bloggers or on whoever).

2. I love interacting with my commenters (even though I haven’t been very good about responding to comments lately) (and I’m sorry about that) (December was a busy month) (I’ve been meaning to respond to the Weird Al comments, but I just haven’t gotten around to it) (like, for instance, I’ve been wanting to tell Joe Chandler that yes, I agree, Weird Al is TOTALLY the most consistent artist of our generation) (though I should note that when I’m talking about Weird Al I’m really only referring to his career between 1983 and 1992, because those were the years that I was fanatical about my Weird Al Fandom) (1983 being the year of his eponymous debut album and 1992 being the year of his Nirvana album cover spoofing Off The Deep End) (though I can appreciate his work since then, I’m just not as familiar with it) (however, I did recently see him perform at the Orange County Fair) (it was more of a coincidence, I was at the fair with Jessica—because we are obsessed with the fair—there is nothing better than County Fair Corn on the Cob—and we saw that Weird Al was performing that evening and I was like: thank you, God) (and he was as good as ever) (once a dork, always a dork) (and when I say “once a dork, always a dork,” I’m referring to Weird Al and myself) (and Joe Chandler, too) (hey, Joe, speaking of Weird Al, you love his movie UHF, don’t you?) (because I imagine it’s a movie you would have seen when you were young and loved) (I haven’t seen it since I was, like, twelve, but I can still sing that dumb “Spatula City” song) (wow) (oh, and BonBon, I’m talking to you, too, when I say that I’m sorry about not being a good comment replier lately) (because I know that I said that I would never let our secret comment thread die) (and I know that ever since I said that, it looks like the thread has been dead) (because it has) (but it’s not dead for good) (I promise) (and I know I've promised before) (but I really do mean it)

3. I love getting to know other bloggers who blather (that sounds like the name of a support group you might see at the YMCA: “Bloggers Who Blather”) (do they even still have support groups at the YMCA?) (or are all of the support groups meeting in church basements these days?)

4. Just a few of the bloggers out there who I don’t know IRL but who I read religiously—and you should too—include:

4a. The Sheila Variations: Sheila is a voracious, obsessive reader who talks about books, music, history, and her past. It’s all good, but my favorite posts have gotta be her Diary Friday posts, in which she reprints actual diary entries from high school and dissects them. Total brilliance. They always make me laugh out loud.

4b. Boom Boom Beautiful: Becca is an awesome mother. She’s also a Jewish Woman Who Writes About Sex. More specifically, vaginas. Lots of vagina talk. And lots of funny stories about her kids too. Good stuff. Love it.

4c. Dooce: Lots of people know about and read Dooce. I mean, Heather is famous enough to participate in a CNN blogger roundtable thing, so you probably already know her too. I enjoy her writing, but what I’m really obsessed with are her photos. She posts a photo a day and I love them. The colors in them are just crazy.

4d. R Blog: Yeah, this is Rosie O’Donnell’s blog. I know, I know. I used to think it was ridiculous…but I kept reading…and I kept reading…and now I don’t think it’s ridiculous anymore…now I genuinely want to hear what Rosie has to say. And she blogs every day, so it’s, like, incredibly satisfying. I’m mostly into her Ask Ro posts, where she answers questions from readers (I’ve submitted about fifteen times, but she hasn’t answered any of my questions yet) (one of these days, though!) and she is totally blunt and she always says whatever the hell she wants. Which is refreshing from a celeb. (Like, for instance, every once in a while someone will tell her that she’s going to go to hell because of her “lifestyle” and she just tells them to “fuck off.”)

5. I’ve gotten in touch with some old friends through the blog (people who have found me through google searches) and that’s pretty damned cool. (Hello Lia!) (If you’re still reading my blog) (Are you still in town for the holidays or did we miss each other?) (For people who aren’t Lia, Lia’s someone I went to high school with and now she makes boats in Boston and she has a little boat making shop next to a river) (is that, like, the coolest job you’ve ever heard of in your life, or what?)

6. The blog is still pretty new. It’s only one year old—just a motherfreaking baby. January 1st is its birthday, actually. Happy Birthday Blog!

Okay, back to the whole will-he-or-won’t-he-keep-blogging thing. Because I know you’re dying to know. And the answer is…yes, of course I’m gonna keep blogging because, hell, I enjoy the damn thing too much. So why freaking stop?

But I’ve been thinking that the blog needs a new hook. I still want to do “New Things,” but my original Year of New Things was kinda aimless and random and so I’ve been thinking that I want this next year to be slightly more structured. But how to structure it? That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out...

...and then my brother Matt gave me the answer. For Christmas, he gave me this book called This Book Will Change Your Life (with a subtitle: “365 Daily Instructions For Hysterical Living), which is a semi-absurd, very cheeky, life manual, with suggestions of 365 new things to do in the upcoming year, natch. I’m not so sure about how the book might change my life, but it definitely suggests a lot of things that I never woulda thought of myself (things like “write a letter to someone on death row,” “plant two apple trees next to each other so they can cross-pollinate and check back in on them in twenty years,” and “spend an entire day without the use of one of your senses”) (i.e. no hearing, no touching, no seeing, no smelling, no tasting) (as if you didn’t know what the five senses were) (if we had six senses, then I might say “no precogging”) (but we don’t have six senses) (at least I don’t) (though I wish I did) (this one time, years ago, I was visiting my uncle in Toronto—I think I was fifteen or sixteen at the time—and he was at work, so I had the day to myself to explore the city, and I spent the entire day pretending I had a limp) (I literally walked about ten miles, up and down Toronto city streets, all day—limping, limping, limping—just to see what it would be like to be a limper) (as far as I can remember, no one treated me any different and the only thing I learned was that if you pretend to have a limp all day, by the end of the day you’ll have hurt yourself enough that you’re actually limping for real) (true story)

I’ve decided that I’m going to do 200 of the suggestions from the book this year. That might sound like an arbitrary number, but it’s not. If I learned anything from my original Year of New Things, it’s that trying to do 365 New Things in one year is crazy. But I want to do more New Things next year than I did this past year, in which I did 184 New Things. And I figure that 16 more New Things ups the ante enough. And it’s a round number. Hence 200. I’ll be choosing New Things from the book at random. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

In other news, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten clink happy, and if you haven’t seen Tranny McGuyver, you fucking have to. That’s Willam Belli as Tranny McGuyver, and he’s brilliant. Check it out:

And while I’m posting random schtuff, how adorable is this picture of T.R. Knight?:

(via runnerbird, who has really good taste in men. And in women. She posted a list of her biggest crushes from 2006, and it’s a really good list. Most of the people on her list would be on my list as well.) (Actually, I’d say that 90% of the men on her list would be on my list, and 50% of the women on her list would be on my list.) (below, I’ve posted a few people I'd add to her list, if her list was my list)

Four people I crushed on in 2006:


I first started crushing on Justin Theroux when he played the villain in the Charlie’s Angels sequel, and then he sealed the deal when he played Brenda’s neighbor love interest Joe on Six Feet Under. Super sexy, super sweet.


I realize that I just posted a blog entry about Jennifer Carpenter a couple of weeks ago, but I can’t help it. When I crush, I crush. I first became aware of Carpenter when she played the titular character in The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but I wasn’t crushing on her back then. Because she was freaking scary in that movie. Amazing, but way scary. No, I didn’t start crushing on her until she broke my heart (many times over) as Dexter’s ambitious, heart-on-her-sleeve, younger sister Deb. Wow. Just wow. So good.


Okay, right now you’re like, “Erik is so gay.” But that’s cool. It’s good to be gay. I’d never even heard of Louis Van Amstel until last week. I mean, yes—I’d watched Dancing With the Stars, but I’d mostly just watched it to see Mario Lopez and I didn’t ever really pay much attention to anyone on the show who wasn’t Mario Lopez. But then Urp took me to see the Dancing With the Stars live tour show at the Staples Center last week and, well, I’m going to write a whole other post devoted to that evening because I’ve got lots of photos to share and it was awesome (we had a time, as Rayanne Graff and/or Angela Chase would say) (oh yes, we had a time), but the big discovery of the evening was Louis Van Amstel. Oh. My. God. I could not take my eyes off of him. Okay, remember that epic post I mentioned earlier in this now-epic post? Yeah, the post that got lost? That post was mostly about my newfound love for Louis Van Amstel. Last night I spent about an hour watching videos of him dancing on youtube. (Hey, I’ve always embraced my dorkiness.) Here’s some footage of him doing the Cha Cha Cha to the Ghostbusters Theme Song, which, in itself, is one of the dorkiest things in the world, and makes me crush on him even more. I watch this video and think, “why have I not been obsessed with this show for the last three years???”


I started watching Standoff mostly because of my crush on Ron Livingston, but I kept watching it because of Rosemarie Dewitt. She’s so good on it, and now I love the show, and I’m not afraid to admit it, even though it’s a show about hostage negotiators, which, on paper, sounds like something I’d never in my right mind watch. But whatever, it’s good stuff, and so is Dewitt.


Oh, and speaking of lists, my fellow list-lover communicatrix has some awesome lists of things she learned in 2006, up on her blog right now. Check them out: PART ONE and PART TWO.

That's all for now. Toodles.


Anonymous said...

A good mother? Oh, how I love you, my FOB (friend of Bonnie).

Erik said...

You are. And oh my god how I love the photo of you running to catch your son at the other end of that rope pulley thing.

joe chandler said...

that post was epic.

and i'm glad that you're now answering my comments in the main page of the blog. please continue this trend.

UHF if AWE(some).

Jesse said...

I can't actually read that much Patterson in one sitting, but is that clock on your desk from Ensign Jr. High WoodShop?????

I made one just like it!

Erik said...

Joe Chandler, I'll try to keep the trend up.

Erik said...

Jesse, okay first: whatever.

And second: YES, I totally made that clock in Ensign woodshop FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. And the clock has lasted all of these years, until only just recently the motor finally died. But I'm going to get a new motor and fix it and give that baby another fifteen more years of life. It's the least I could do.

Did you read this whole comment, or was it too much Patterson for you to read in one sitting? I'm just trying to gage how much Patterson you're willing to read at a time.

Anonymous said...

My coworker Chris and I started this little ritual last year. When I get into work, slightly after him but before most folks, he asks, " What year is it,Linds?" And I reply, "Best year ever!" (Sometimes it's in unison, or drawn out for dramatic and comedic affect. [effect?])

The idea was that the power of positve thinking would carry us right on through and make it so. We've decided to keep going this year. Each year will just be that much freakin' better than the last. Not a bad life, eh?

Also, I'm a dork.

But anyway, your blog sort of feels that way. Always newer, bigger, better, more! More new things! Another best year ever!


Jesse said...

what? I got distracted...

and i read the whole post, silly.

Did you see Little Lori is now addicted to Channing cuz of you.

Erik said...

"Effect," I think.

"Affect" is like "affected," while "effect" is like "effective."

Lindsay Lindsay, I love your "best year ever" thing.

How many times can I use "quotation marks" in this comment?

I'm glad you embrace your "dorkiness." Okay, that one didn't need quotation marks. But all of my favorite people embrace their dork within.

Cheers to the best year ever. 2007, huzzah!

Erik said...

Jesse, GOOD.

And I am so happy that little Lori is on my side. She is so much smarter than you.

Query to others:
Channing Tatum, hot or not?
Step Up, great movie or no.

I say yay to both. Jesse says eh, then nay.

TheDarkerUma said...

nice shirt, by the way.

gosh darn it, erik ross! you are looking mighty fine. let's try and go to akbar this month. for kicks. you wanna?

the correct pronunciation of phoebe's last name.
(and screw you if you expect me to believe you haven't watched an episode of friends!)

Erik said...

Wait, "nice shirt" re: the shirt I was wearing tonight? Or the shirt in the photo at the top of this post???

And oh my god yes let's go to Akbar. I haven't been there in forever, and you always give me good men karma. And it would be fun to meet a good man. And even if I don't, it doesn't matter--because going to Akbar with you is always fun. Hey, we could have a slumber party. Wanna???? I'll bring a sleeping bag, since you don't have bunks at your place. We can go to Akbar (let's walk!), have a few drinks (walk back to your place!) (I'm sure the walk will be fun on the way and then on the way home we'll be cursing the gods because all of a sudden the walk will feel really long), and then maybe we could watch that movie that I won't let you watch without me and then we can turn the lights out and gossip until one of us falls asleep first. You up for it?

(and of course I've seen friends--every episode, courtney)

TheDarkerUma said...

yes, yes and YES!

Erik said...

good, good, and GOOD.

communicatrix said...

How much do I love that you love lists?

I hope 2007 brings you the greatest list-i-ness ever. And hotness. I think 2007 should be Year of the Hotness for Erik.

Erik said...

I am allllll for the Year of Hotness. That sounds like a Great plan. Yes. Good idea, Coco.