It’s Friday night, after dinner.
I'm sitting here in the 10th Floor Waiting Room with Marie and Erica and both of them are all "write a blog NOW!" and I'm like, "jeez, okay," but I’m really tired and unfocused because I only slept three hours last night, so I don’t think I’m really in the state of mind to write anything coherent—or, at least, to worry about writing anything coherent—so I’m just gonna let this flow. (As if I ever worried about being coherent on my blog.)
I haven’t written a freaking list in a long time, so I’m gonna make this a list.
Of nothing in particular. Just some hospital stuff. Consider this Live Blogging of the 10th Floor Waiting Room, if you will.
1. There's this random girl, I think her name is Rai, or Bai, or Raye, or something (Marie is reading over my shoulder as I type this and she totally knows the girl's name and she offered to help me, but I’m not listening to her because I'm annoyed with her) (I'm annoyed with her because I wanted her to be my guest blogger tonight, but she was all “it’s YOUR blog, YOU should right it” and she didn’t even care that I only slept three hours last night and I’m scatterbrained right now.) (Wow, and I actually just wrote “right it” in that last sentence instead of “write it.”) (I am so tired.) (Anyway, I’m ingoring you right now, Marie.) (How do you like THEM APPLES?) (This blog entry has gotten really sidetracked, hasn’t it?) (And boring.) (Like, it's really only interesting to me and Marie right now.) (And maybe Joe Chandler.) (Sorry people.) (I'll move on.) (To something more interesting.) (Wait, but I had a point about the girl whose name I forget.) So this girl Ree, she's like 3 or 5 or something and she "wrote" a blog entrey (wow, I really can't fucking spell tonight) (I only slept for three hours last night) (I already said that) (but, like I also already said, I’m scattered) for Erica’s blog just now and it was cute. Wow, I already said it once, but I’ll say it again, this is a boring #1. This list better get more interesting and it better get more interesting soon, ors else I’m gonna stop reading it too.) (I don’t know why people don’t use the word “ors” more often.) (And “aks” too. “Aks” is a great word.) (There’s a running gag in Futurama—or maybe it was only in one episode but it felt like it was in several—where Leela always says “aks” instead of “ask” because the word has officially evolved in the future.) (Anyway, I promise to have some Uma updates at some point in this blog entry—several updates—so if you just want to skim until you find the word “Uma,” feel free.)
2. I think it’s high time this list had a number 2. That was not supposed to be a scatological reference, but now I cannot help but read it as one.
3. John just walked in: "She's awake, she's doing good. We just listened to a bunch of songs on the ipod, there were several moments when she moved her head and the earpiece popped out and she grabbed it herself and put it back in. And then when she got tired of listening to the music, she took the earpiece out herself." And then he just walked out, I presume to go to the bathroom. Sorry but that’s the first thing I thought of because of the whole “number two” reference in the above comment, and besides, it's been a long time since I've written about poop on my blog. Not that John is necessarily pooping right now, I don't even know for certain if he's in the bathroom, but that's the direction he walked to. Oh, wait, he just came back out, that wasn't enough time to poop, he must have peed.
4. That Rie girl keeps coming over here and looking at my computer and blowing her nose. She is such a busybody.
5. When Marie and I were in with Uma, um, about thirty minutes ago, or maybe an hour ago (I'm not sure, time is really weird in waiting rooms), I told Uma that I was still working on planning her bachelorette party and I promised her that I wouldn't get her a stripper and she smiled a big smile. We've had this conversation many, many times. She really DOES NOT want a stripper at her bachelorette party. And I always promise her that I won’t get her one. And she never believes me. But this time—this time I think she believed me. Maybe. A little bit.
6. Rae is crying right now. I don't know why. That’s the thing about hospitals. There are random people crying all over the place, and then random happy people all over the place, and then random people with glazed expressions all over the place, and then maybe you’ll see someone who’s really pissed off—at the doctor, or at the asshole who ran over their kid, or at the world, or at whatever.
7. This post is SO BORING. I’m sorry.
8. Adam Day just came into the waiting room. He was just in with Uma. He said that her dad's in with her right now, so we're going to let them have some time alone together. Nithi hasn't been in the room in a while.
9. Adam Day is cute.
10. He doesn't read my blog anymore because it's blocked at his work, so he might not ever know I said that, which is totally okay because he's straight, and I like him but I don’t like like him. But even if you don’t like like a person, you can still appreciate how fucking cute they are. Right? And that they have a hot body. Adam looks really good in a suit. I can’t believe I’m writing this right now. So many people who read this blog know Adam Day. (Lindsay, YOU agree with me, though, right? About his total cuteness and hot bodiness?) And the fact that he brings us all hot chocolate every night makes him a completely stand-up individual and I don’t understand why he isn’t married. Someone should snap this guy up and marry him right now. (Marie just said "Oh my god, get over it.") (Sooo I will.)
11. MARIE: "While you're quoting me, why don't you quote that girl's real name. It's Bria. B-R-I-A, Bria. You were SO off."
12. I'm sorry this blog post is so self-referential, but I’m starting to feel like it’s the Studio 60 of blog posts. So inside it's bad. But hopefully fascinating in a you-can’t-look-away-from-a-trainwreck sorta way.
13. I haven't had a good bowel movement in so long.
14. MARIE: "Lists are supposed to have a theme, I'm just pointing that out." ERIK: “If you want to write this blog post, you can write this blog post. I already gave you the option.” (Marie’s rolling her eyes at me right now.)
15. MARIE: "And that girl is, like, 8-years-old, NOT 3 or 5."
16. Back to my bowel movements: About five minutes ago, I felt like I had to poop really bad, but I willed the feeling away and now I am so going to be constipated.
17. But I don't like to poop at the hospital.
18. Which is a problem because we've been spending so much time at the hospital.
19. This blog post suddenly found a theme. Poop. Uma will approve, when she eventually reads it.
20. MARIE is still reading over my shoulder and she was just like, "Go to the bathroom and poop!" I told her that I can't any more, I've willed it away. "Will it BACK!" she tells me. But I can't. It's so gone.
21. I just went on a mini-diatribe to Marie about why I don't like to poop at the hospital and she finally agreed that I have some valid points (or maybe she just got tired of me ranting about poop) and so the issue's been settled. For now.
22. Moving on. Again.
23. I stepped away from this for awhile and Erica, Marie, Adam and I all started debating what the "gayest alcoholic beverage" is. See, the other night, after visiting hours, I kinda went out on a date with my friend Bo's friend Jeff, and we went to this random bar in Chelsea, and I asked the bartender for the gayest drink she had, and she offered me a Melontini, and I felt like she could do better than that, so then I looked at the menu and decided that a Watermelon Jolly Rancher Martini was supremely more gay than a Melontini, so that's what I ordered. I told this anecdote to the rest of the waiting room and that’s when our "gayest alcoholic beverage ever" debate ensued.
24. Marie thinks that the Pina Colada is the gayest drink ever. But only if served in a coconut.
25. Erica thinks that "any drink from TGI Friday's with whipped cream on it" is the gayest drink ever.
26. Adam thinks that the Cosmo is the gayest drink is. (Which might be true, seeing as it was the drink of choice for Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.) (As a side note, the Cosmo is Uma’s favorite alcoholic beverage.) (Specifically BECAUSE it’s the drink of choice of the Sex and the City girls.)
27. I just went up to Uma's room to check in on her, but John was sitting in there with her, and it looked like they were having a tender moment, he was leaning in close and talking to her, so I decided to let them have their moment and now I'm back here live blogging the waiting room.
28. Okay, wait--John just came out of the room and I'm going to go in there now. I'm leaving this computer open in case Marie wants to continue this Waiting Room Live Blog. (Hint, hint.) (Maybe she can get this blog post on point and away from all of my random ramblings, maybe she’ll give us some Uma updates.)
Marie for a minute:
29. I can't remember how much Erik mentioned in emails/blog posts about the newest thing to visualize, but right now what we want is for her ventriculostomy to come out safely without the need for an internal shunt. Today they tested her intercranial pressure with the drainage tube off for awhile, but it wasn't quite ready, so they had to turn it back on.
30. John is completely exhausted. We just convinced him to go home and sleep, and we promised to do the eleven o'clock thing (we stay till the last second of visiting hours, until the nurses kick us out, so Uma gets as much of everyone as possible.) (Although I suppose maybe she's tired of us by then.) (But until that trach tube comes out and she can tell us to get out, we're staying.) (I totally just adopted Erik's paranthetical-clause-writing-style. Sorry.)
31. Back to the drainage tube: They are going to test again on Sunday, and we all need to WILL the lining in her brain to be ready to reabsorb fluid on its own and not need the shunt.
32. Erica fell asleep on a bench. Erik took a picture. Maybe he'll post it.
33. Erik won't post this list until it has "like, a hundred entries." I'm not sure if we're gonna make it.
Now Erica for a minute:
34. If anyone reads this whole thing, I will give them a cookie. If you'd like to audition for said cookie, let me know and I will quiz you on if you REALLY read all 100 things.
35. Today, I saw Uma do many wonderful things but my favorite was when Marie crouched down on Uma's left side and Uma started to play with Marie's hair. She repeatedly combed it with her fingers with perfect dexterity and purpose. Then, after twenty or so strokes, she gently cupped Marie's face in that hand. Marie said, "I love you too" because Uma's message was crystal clear.
36. We ate "the best hamburgers in Manhattan" tonight. We, in order around the table= Wayne (John's bro), Mike, Marie, Jaci, Andres, Jason, Nithi, me, Erik, John. They were indeed very good burgers, but the cool part was that the restaurant, Chumley's, is in an old speakeasy, so there are no signs indicating that this old wooden door leads to a cavernous loud bar.
37. We are now discussing where to meet Zina. She is one of Adam's best friends. She also goes to Fletcher. We are probably going to go to the only straight bar in Greenwich Village.
38. Marie is currently studying a map of Manhattan. She is trying to memorize it, I think. I've got five bucks that says she knows this burough better than a local by next Wednesday.
39. Anna is coming to visit on Tuesday. Yay!
40. What is heartburn? Is it like a chestpain? Sort of like a backache? I think Manhattan's best burgers are giving me some of the above.
41. Adam is reading John Updike. Have you read any John Updike? His 2006 book, Terrorist, looks interesterting.
42. John and Erik are upstairs with Uma. Hubby and future hubby. How many women can boast that they're best friends with both?
43. "ooh the east river. that's where they throw people on Law and Order. the east river". that's marie and her map.
44. i'm going to go up to see ums now and then head back down to brooklyn to go to bed. bonne nuit.
Now Adam for a minute:
45. This is a very tired Adam taking over with the list, I have no idea what's been written, so this caveat is number 1 for me.
46. I saw “Uma” graffiti today on the NY Subway, number 4 line.
47. Nithi showed me photos of Uma's brother and sister. The sister is going to be trouble, just like Uma. You could tell she was stubborn from the first photo.
48. Uma has been sharing a room with this woman Linda, whose family waits outside all day every day like Erik, John and Nithi. The daughter's name is Sladie, and she introduces herself as "Lady with an S."
49. Erik is going to get skin poisoning from all the ink he has on his hands from making Uma tattoos. He's totally colorblind, so he can't even really tell how green his hands are.
50. I think Uma's getting annoyed with people talking to her too slowly. I saw it on her face today, she was like "Dad, god, I'm not three years old." Good sign.
51. Did you know that John played with Rufus Wainright on tour? Well, he did. And, weird coincidence, I saw Rufus Wainright (I think I'm spelling his name wrong) at a show at Brown University while John was playing with him, before I had ever even heard of John.
52. Did you know that the new computers with LED lights in the screens are all made by Uma's dad. Yeah, he owns Korea.
53. Did you know that Erik only owns one pair of shoes? They're wimpy canvas ones and it's 30 degrees today.
52. Did you know that Erica has a Hillary pin on her backpack? She gets annoyed if you accuse her of making the chick vote. I did.
53. Erik said his three magic numbers were 1, 3, and 5. Did you know that if you make each of Uma's letters a number U-M-A = 35. Spooky huh?
54. Did you notice that the last entry, about 1,3 and 5 was on #53. I did that without even noticing. Spookier.
55. Did you know that the stickers to get into the hospital are green today. Uma's favorite color is green. Spookiest.
56. Erik's pants are about 5 inches too long. Who buys pants that are that long? Does he think all that chocolate milk is going to make him taller?
57. I just figured out where the 1's in Erik's 1,3,5 thing are: Uma is on the 11th floor in room 1141. That's FIVE ones!
58. Erica's magic numbers are 696, or 969, I can't remember. It was her house number, her mailbox number at Oxy, and something else. I can't remember.
Back to Erik:
59. OKAY, this is me, ERIK, again.
60. I haven't read through what Erica and Marie wrote, but I read through what Adam wrote and he got a lot of shit wrong.
61. But before I start correcting him, I'm going to share a couple of Uma stories because I was just in there with her for a while.
62. She definitely seems really tired tonight, and I think that she's frustrated to be in a stupid fucking hospital bed and not really be able to communicate. And I think that Adam's right, she's definitely tired of us talking slowly to her. I'm trying to just talk normally to her, so she won't get annoyed with me. And she was still smiling occasionally at some of the things that I said, but there's also a sadness there, and I feel like that sadness is Uma becoming aware--really, truly aware--of her situation, and what she's going to have to go through. I don't know if "sadness" is the right word, but there's definitely a melancholy.
63. But we keep telling her that we're going to be here for her, we're going to help her stay strong. And we will. Urp has a long road of recovery ahead of her, and it will be difficult, but she will get through this.
64. She is inspiring so many people, through this fight of hers, and all of the inspired people are inspiring in and of themselves. I've gotten some amazing emails from friends, and some amazing emails from strangers. I am keeping all of them for Urp to read when she can.
65. Okay, I didn’t get to #100, and I didn’t correct all of the shit that Adam got wrong, but visiting hours are almost over and it’s time to say goodnight to Urp.
66. But before I sign off, “Getting Better” by the Beatles is stuck in my head right now, and it’s a really nice song to have stuck in your head. I’m just mentioning that because whenever I have a song stuck in my head that I DON’T want stuck in my head, I can usually get that song unstuck by sticking a new one in there, and “Getting Better” by the Beatles is certainly a good fucking song to use as a replacement stuck song.
67. Oh, and also before I sign off, I just read what Marie and Erica wrote, and the thing that Marie said about visualizing Uma getting off of her ventriculostomy tube (the draining tube) without needing a shunt—that’s the most important part of this whole dumb list, and if you remember anything from this blog post, that’s what you should remember. Visualize NO SHUNT, visualize a full neurological recovery, visualize that fucking brain of hers being perfect and serene, visualize the doctors telling us on Sunday that Uma’s intercranial pressure levels are good.
68. Thank you.
69. And toodles.