My friend Bridget told me about this amazing website that has an anti-telemarketing script that you can use to trip up telemarketers and I just got a telemarketing call and I used the script and it was so much fun.
Here's the conversation I just had (using the script) (which, fortunately, I had just been showing to my brother Josh, and so it was already open on my computer) (and this is literally word-for-word the conversation we just had) (five minutes ago):
(NOTE: everything I say below is taken directly from the above website, which totally deserves so much credit for being so awesome) (none of these words are my own)
TELEMARKETER: May I speak to Erik Patterson, please?
ME: To whom am I speaking?
TELEMARKETER: Danielle from (and then she said the name of some company that I cannot even begin to remember because I was so fucking excited to be using this script and I just wanted to get to the next question to see if she would continue answering my questions.)
ME: Could you spell your name for me?
TELEMARKETER: Certainly, sir. It's D-a-n-i-e-l-l-e.
ME: Could you tell me how you found this phone number?
TELEMARKETER: Well, we have your number in our data base.
ME: Oh, that's interesting. And is this your full time job?
TELEMARKETER: Yes, it is.
ME: Do you also live in Los Angeles?
TELEMARKETER: Yes, I do.
ME: Incredible. And how long have you been in the telemarketing business?
TELEMARKETER: About thirteen months now.
ME: That's quite long. And do you like your job?
TELEMARKETER: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
ME: I think I would like this kind of job as well. How much do you earn?
TELEMARKETER: Um...about ten or eleven dollars an hour.
ME: That doesn't sound bad at all. Do you get time off for going to the dentist?
TELEMARKETER: (and through the above she had been very straight with me, but when she heard this question she started to laugh) (finally) No.
ME: Is it important to have good teeth for you profession.
TELEMARKETER: (laughing again) Well I would think that it's important to have good teeth for just about any profession.
ME: Which toothpaste would you recommend?
ME: Thank you for your information. Would you mind giving me your phone number in case I need more information?
TELEMARKETER: (gives me her work number)
ME: Thank you and have a pleasant day. Good-bye.
TELEMARKETER: Good-bye. (and then she hangs up!) (without going into her schpiel at all!)
And that was our conversation. If you get lots of calls from telemarketers, I totally and completely recommend making this website your homepage and using it next time a telemarketer calls. It's easy to follow the script and it's not mean at all, it just trips them up and lets you stay in charge of the conversation and it's really kinda fun. (True story.) (True story!) (I mean, I'm literally sitting here praying for another telemarketer to call so I can use the script again.) (Seriously.) (I AM PRAYING FOR A TELEMARKETER TO CALL.) (How fucked up is that?)