It's okay, though.
I mean: I don't do drugs. I don't drink coffee. I don't have sex with underage strippers. I don't smoke. As far as vices go, I think that my addiction to reality TV ain't too bad.
Okay, so. (Have you noticed that I say "okay, so" all of the time lately? I don't even mean to say all the time, I just find myself saying it.) (When I say "saying it," I really mean "typing it.") (I just had the weirdest craving for one of those crisscrossy fritter things they sell at the fair. What are those things called? You know what I'm talking about. They're, like, waffles and they're covered in powdered sugar and they're awesome.) (I don't really know why I suddenly had that craving.) (I think it's because we were talking about things that are bad for you and my belly was all, "dude, get me one of those fritter things.") (My belly didn't know what they were called either.) (How stupid is my belly?)
You know who's belly is not stupid? Derrick's belly. Derrick as in Derrick from The Real World/Road Rules Gauntlet 2, which I'm watching on MTV right now (on my Tivo, taped from earlier this evening) and Derrick is about to go into the Gauntlet, again, and I paused my Tivo so that I could take a moment to mentally prepare for the possibility that Derrick might be going home from The Gauntlet in a moment. I actually paused my Tivo so that I could get into the right headspace for this potentiality. And then I decided to blog about it because how psycho am I?
Now when I say that I'm mentally preparing for the possibility that Derrick might be going home, don't misinterpret that to mean that I don't have faith in Derrick. My man Derrick rules. But he's been to the Gauntlet several times and the way they've been editing the episode makes me worry that his winning streak is about to end. Of course, they might be editing it that way so that I'll think that his winning streak is about to end, when in reality he's about to prove once again how hardcore he is.
The suspense is killing me. KILLING ME.
I just re-read that whole thing about the suspense killing me and I'm worried that it might read as sarcasm, but please understand that this entire blog post is 100% sincere. I am genuinely worried that my pit bull is about to go home.
Let me set the scene: the veteran team lost, so Derrick, as the veteram team captain, has to go into the Gauntlet and compete against one of his teammates in a one-on-one battle, loser goes home. Now, fortunately, it's a mental challenge, and he's competing against Brad, who isn't all that bright, so Derrick definitely has the edge. But, and here's where it gets all Shakespearian and shit, Brad is, like, Derrick's "main man" and shit--they're practically best friends and shit--so Derrick's emotions might come into play and shit. Which means it's anyone's game and shit.
Again, can I say that the suspense is killing me? KILLING ME.
Oh my god, oh my god, it's 4-1. Derrick is in the lead. First one to five wins.
Fuck, okay, now it's 4-2. But Derrick still has the lead.
the mothafuckin' game, yo!Thank you, God.
Um, what has become of me?