Friday, June 16, 2006

#100! My brother graduates! Twin Peaks news!

New Thing #100 (My Year of New Things has made it into the triple digits!): I went to my brother Mike's high school graduation. Which means that all three of my brothers have now graduated from high school. How on earth did that happen? How are we all adults? It's crazy.


There was this kid who was graduating whose last name was Zuniga, and I decided that this Zuniga kid MUST be related to Daphne Zuniga (if not her daughter, then her niece) because, really, how many Zuniga families can there be in this world? And so I became slightly obsessed with tracking down Daphne Zuniga, because how cool is Daphne Zuniga? Of course, I wasn't certain that Daphne was there at this point, until...the freaking valedictorian quoted Spaceballs in her speech. You should have seen my face. I was like, "holy shit, you did not just quote Spaceballs!" Because that's just too much of a coincidence, for there to be someone named Zuniga graduating AND for the valedictorian to quote Spaceballs? That cannot be a coincidence--that's, like, providence or something. Daphne was totally in the house.

Other than the Spaceballs quote (which, honestly, wasn't even a very good quote), the speeches mostly blew and I've decided that it's near impossible to write a good graduation speech. (Unless you're Whitney Houston [or pretending to be Whitney Houston.].) One of the speeches was this long (endless) metaphor about "going to the grade store" every year and paying five hours a week for A's and only one hour a week for C's and just taking D's and F's for free and I think the kid spent about five minutes working on the speech so I finally decided that he deserved an F + for his five minutes of work.

There was this guy sitting in front of me--okay, wait, check him out first, before I say anything else:

So, midway through the very long ceremony, this little bug flew onto the guy's back...and me and my brothers Josh and Matt and I were trying to shoo the bug off of the man's back without him even knowing about it, but it was a really wily bug and it kept moving away from us, and my apologies to the man, but it was so much more entertaining than the graduation ceremony. The bug was literally walking all over his back for a solid 7 or 8 minutes, and as close as it came to walking onto his neck, it never did and the man never knew that the bug was there:

So now I'm like, how often do we have bugs crawling on us and we don't even know it? Seriously. We probably have bugs crawling on us all the damned time! And we don't even know it. That's cray cray.

In non graduation news, I have something very exciting to report:


For Twin Peaks fans, this is really exciting news. Unfortch, there are currently (as far as I know) no plans to release the pilot on DVD. If I remember correctly, the pilot is owned by a different company than whoever owns Seasons 1 + 2, but I wish these companies would fucking team up or something because the pilot is currently only available as a European movie with the European ending that "wraps everything up" in the last ten "only-seen-on-European-television" minutes, and it's so lame.


(I want to post lots of hot pictures from Twin Peaks--for Kyle, because I told him I would post more hot pics--but blogger decided it will only let me post three pictures in this post.)


Dave said...

Wow, first of all, I can't believe I'm first, and second, just confirms that your parents had great genes in the looks department. You're all very dashing!

Erik said...

Thanks Dave! My brothers and I thank you for the compliment. We actually all have really funny facial hair right now.

frank's wild lunch said...


Erik said...

Kyle, I might not have internet for most of the day--I'm going to be writing at Starbucks and I don't know if I feel like paying for my internet today--but I will be back later to leave comments and I want to hear ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!

frank's wild lunch said...

For starters, I worked for Daphne Z. for a day in 2002/2003...I can't remember which...because I knew somebody who knew somebody get the picture. Anyway, she needed a part-time personal assistant. She is so nice. I wanted to keep doing it but I got a 6-week temp gig for double the hours and I called her on the phone to break the news and we had this long talk; she was SO GREAT about it. She's the best. Then I saw her again when she did Tartuffe at The Odyssey and she was really fun in that.

Erik said...

Okay, that was a really good "for starters," Kyle. I LOVE Daphne Zuniga! I even watched her new show Beautiful People because it's DAPHNE ZUNIGA!

Erik said...


yesterday, BEFORE i went to my brother's graduation...

someone found my blog by google searching:

"daphne zuniga screencaps"

Erik said...

but without the quotes--because, while i don't have any "daphne zuniga screencaps," i DO have several screencaps and I know I mentioned Daphne Zuniga in my Fear of Mercury Poisoning period.

frank's wild lunch said...

I just posted a long Twin Peaks comment and Blogger ate it, so I'm going to make this one shorter and say congrats to your brother. Congrats! And those graduation pics reminded me of Say Anything, for some reason.

frank's wild lunch said...

But don't worry, the long Twin Peaks comment is coming; I'm just a little cagey after having done all that inital work only to have it disappear. I need to regroup, gather my thoughts, etc.

Bonnie said...

Yes, huge congrats to the bro!

Anonymous said...

Poor Matt is the only Patterson without facial hair. He can do the "Wolverine" sideburns. And Dave thanks for the compliment. I do have great jeans...I mean Genes.

Thankfully they got their "smarts" from their Mothers.

Angela said...


Angela said...

Second of all,


This is the best DVD news of all time!

frank's wild lunch said...

Okay, I'm ready to repost my Twin Peaks comments because I love that show and I have forgotten far too much of it and I need to watch it all again but I've been waiting for the second season to come out and JW tells me he met the guy who plays Andy AND HIS BF, not to be gossipy, but I think that's so great, and I figure if he's introducing people to his bf I can post a comment about it right? Anyway, I love that show so much and I would adore hot pics of Dale Cooper and I love the part when Bobby Briggs starts barking like a dog from his jail cell and I still have my secret diary of Laura Palmer even though it's all beat up because I loaned it to a friend who showed the dirty parts to everyone in the 9th grade and my book of transcripts of Dale's tapes to Diane is in much better shape and I've always loved that Tony and Riff from the film adaptation of West Side Story are in it and I LOVE THAT SHOW SO MUCH. Okay, there. Hopefully Blogger won't eat this one.

Erik said...

So many things to say. I will move down the list. First of all, Kyle, for some reason, your comment (the one that mentions Say Anything) reminded me of Mark Twain. Not content wise or anything, just, for some weird (WEIRD) reason, my brain was like "Mark Twain." It's better not to analyze these things too deeply.


I love that the graduation pics reminded you of Say Anything. I saw that movie in the theaters when I was whatever age I was when it came out--ok, i just looked up the release date, i was 12--with my (maternal) grandmother, and I remember I loved it immediately--it was one of those movies that you see when you're a kid and you're like, "my life is about to begin, it's about to start getting good, i'm going to be in high school soon and go to parties like that and meet crazy girls like her and find my own Diane Court and court the fucking hell out of her." (of course, even though I wanted Lloyd Dobler at the time, my fantasies wouldn't go there, you know? not yet, at least.) (like, my subconscious was all Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback, "I don't want to seeeeee that!")

And that graduation scene in Say Anything is pretty perfect--my favorite moment is when Lloyd takes the picture with Diane--except it's him standing several feet away from her and she doesn't know the photo is being taken. The only thing i DON'T like about that scene is--I think there's only one false beat in the entire movie (it's SUCH a good movie) and the false beat is in that scene--it's just one shot--it's during the actual commencement ceremony, there's a reaction shot of all of the parents in the stands watching their kids graduate, and everyone in the entire stands has a video camera--it's supposed to be a throw-away gag, funny beat--and IS funny, but it feels like it belongs in another, if Zuckers/Abrahams did a movie about college, that shot would be in their college movie and it would be a funny throw-away gag...but every other beat and moment in Say Anything feels SO PAINFULLY REAL, and it's all so painfully funnny because of how so painfully real it is, that that one solitary shot of all of the parents with their video cameras feels too forced--because, in reality, sure, a lot of parents would have video cameras, but EVERY SINGLE PARENT???? No, not real.

Oh man, though--I love that movie. It's really perfection. (Except for that one shot.)

Speaking of graduations in movies, I also love Winona Ryder's graduation speech in Reality Bites.

Erik said...

Kyle, and Bonnie, and Angela:

My brother thanks you for your congratulation!

(I'm actually just assuming he thanks you--or, I'm just thanking you for him--because he's on his way to freaking St. Maartin's, or however you spell it, right now, with his best friend. Talk about an awesome post-graduation holiday, right?)

Erik said...

Dadddddddd, Matt's rocking the "bald" look on his face. It's facial hair, in a way. The absence of facial hair.

Erik said...


I know, right?


frank's wild lunch said...

Okay, I love Say Anything too, and one of the reasons why this whole thread reminded me of that movie wasn't just the picture, but the fact that whenever I think of Daphne Z., I also think of Ione Skye -- you know...they're both very 80s, pretty-in-a-smart-way dark-haired women in good teen movies. I love them both!

I never know where to put the elipses in the title of Say Anything, which is frustrating.

Also, I think the movie's flawed, too, and I'd agree that that shot sounds off, but my big problem with the flick is Lili Taylor's character. She gets this amazing subplot that begins AND ends in the party sequence. It's over in about 10 minutes of movie (if that). So then she's left to play the sidekick. Why can't she and Joe eff with each other's heads for the whole movie? How good would that have been?? Oh, and what the hell's up with Bebe Neuwirth being in ONE SCENE? That always bugged me too; I'm assuming there's more footage on the cutting room floor or something.

Don't get me wrong, though. Love the movie.

And I know, isn't that such a confused gayboy thing...thinking that our crushing on the gentlemanly dreamboat who kicks glass out of his date's way so she doesn't step on it with her GREAT SHOES is really our wanting to emulate him for being such a gentleman when in reality we just want him to kick glass out of the way for us too because he's such a dreamboat? In retrospect it's kinda sweet, isn't it?

Erik said...

Kyle (fwl),

Okay, so:

I had this English teacher in high school, Mr. Tagomi. I remember this one time he said that Don Quixote was a book that you should read three times in your life. Once when you're young (a teenager), once in your middle age, and then again when you are old. He was a great teacher, and he was just talking off the cuff--Don Quixote wasn't a book we were reading for class--he was just saying how we SHOULD read it, now, so that we could have this lifelong relationship with it. Um, okay, so, well: I never read Don Quixote. BUT, the way he felt about Don Quixote, I kinda feel the same way about Twin Peaks.

(But I guess I'm more obsessive than Mr. Tagomi because I've already watched Twin Peaks [in its entirety] four times in my life and I'm still a [relatively] young man.)

The first time I watched it was when it originally aired, in 1990-1991. I was in junior high school. It felt so adult, so dangerous (and it was) and I loved it. (I actually missed the third episode when it first aired on TV and I knew this girl Deena who also watched the show--I was a 7th grade dork and she was a very cool 8th grader--but we had taken an acting class together at SCR and so even though we were in completely different social strata, we had a bond and she would speak to me--and I found out that Deena had taped the third episode--which was the first episode to feature the Red Room--and when Deena found out I had missed the episode she wouldn't stand for that.

I remember meeting her in the cafeteria the next day. She handed me the videocassette with reverence.

The second time I watched the entire series was in high school. My step-sister somehow managed to obtain VHS copies of the entire series (I think this was before it was actually officially on VHS).

The third and the fourth times were during college. The fourth time I watched the series, I watched all 30 episodes over the course of three days.

It was a religious experience.

I disagree with people who say the first season was brilliant and then it all fell apart in the second season. I say fie to those people. I really dislike those people. (Even though some of those people are my friends, I still dislike them.)

The only episode that I think is, okay, bad, is the one directed by Diane Keaton. I love Diane Keaton, but her episode was the one that resolved the story with James and that blonde woman when James left Twin Peaks, and Diane Keaton was saddled with the only truly bad storyline in the series. I mean, it's called fucking Twin Peaks, we don't want to see any of the characters on their little chautauqua journeys in places that aren't Twin Peaks. As fucking Lisa Kudrow would say, "I don't want to seeeeeee that."

Anyway, it is HIGH TIME that I sit down and have another Twin Peaks marathon because it's been way too long. But my VHS tapes (which I have leant out several times) are ragged and worn and hallelujia for the DVDs!

(While I'm thinking of it, I'd like to thank Joe Chandler for giving me a copy of the pilot on VHS, back in the day, because for some reason, even though I know I once had the pilot, at some point it was lost, and then Joe Chandler replaced my copy. Thank you, Joe Chandler.)

I AM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT ANDY IS GAY IN REAL LIFE. I love Andy. I really do. I heart him. So much. I'm kinda sad he has a boyfriend because now I want to stalk him.

I once had dinner with Dick Tremayne (okay, his real name is Ian), who, if you remember, was Andy's rival for Lucy on the show. It was a totally random evening--I was meeting with this director to talk about a potential project and he for some reason Twin Peaks came up and he mentioned that he had worked on it and I went on and on about how much I loved it and then Ian happened to call him and this director was like, "let's all go out to dinner," and the whole time I was like, "YOU'RE DICK TREMAYNE! I love hating you!"

Kyle, I promise to post hot pictures of Dale Cooper soon because, obviously, I am to please you.

And you mentioned that moment where Bobby Briggs barks like a dog in jail...didn't you have such a dirty crush on Bobby Briggs. Like, Dale Cooper is the kind of guy you want to marry and be with forever and take trips to Italy with, but Bobby Briggs is the type of guy you want to have a really naughty weekend or two (or five) with.

I totally relate to you Secret Diary of Laura Palmer story. My parents bought the book for me, but then they decided to read it first, and they were appalled (or, maybe not appalled, but they thought I was too young to read Laura Palmer talking about threesomes and hard-ons and blowing guys out by the Road House), so they kept the book and told me they'd give it to me when I was older, but of course I found where they had hidden it and read it in secret and it was that much more exciting reading Laura Palmer's "Secret" diary in secret. If only I had been doing blow while I was reading it, the image would be that much more better. (And yes, I just said "that much more better," what of it?)



Erik said...

Okay, now I have to read what you said about Say Anything--I'll be back after I've done so.

Erik said...

1. Yes, Kyle, it IS kinda sweet.

2. There's no reason I'm writing this comment as a list other than I felt like it.

3. John Cusack seems like a great guy, but my crush truly is on Lloyd Dobler, not on John Cusack.

4. Even though John Cusack is freakishly tall, and that's attractive.

5. But that only means that Lloyd Dobler is ALSO freakishly tall.

6. And apparently John Cusack is a really bad tipper in real life.

7. Whereas Lloyd Dobler would kick glass out of my way. And all of the other charmingly romantic things he does in the movie.

8. I always forget the elipses, but they should go at the end of the title, as in "Say Anything..."

9. I totally hear you about Lili Taylor's character (Corey) not getting her full due, but I don't really notice it so much because Lloyd and Diane's love story holds my interest so so so much and every time Lili is on screen it's so full and awesome and so I don't miss her...because I, like, feel her there even when she isn't. Is that lame of me?

10. I love that moment when Lili Taylor and the other friend are like, "if you were Diane Court, would YOU go for Lloyd?" And they all say they would. The looks on their faces. Oh man.


D.C.: Lloyd, why do you have to be like this?

Lloyd Dobler: 'Cause I'm a guy. I have pride.

Corey Flood: You're not a guy.

Lloyd Dobler: I am.

Corey Flood: No. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy.

frank's wild lunch said...

I have to admit, I have fond memories of the Diane Keaton episode, if only because I remember thinking it was hot. And I always kinda preferred quiet, stoic, motorcycle James to Bobby. Although I SO wanted Bobby's hair...and by Senior year, I HAD IT, BY GAWD!

And if it's any consolation, JW was telling me about meeting actor-who-played-Andy years ago, so for all I know he's single!

Oh, and I think the whole father/daughter subplot of Say Anything overwhelms the love story, too, and it gets a little funky in how they resolve.... Cameron Crowe makes me crazy, even when I like him. Still, so good. And I love that girl scene when they both say they'd go for Lloyd too. And I love that the protagonist is named Lloyd. Okay, now it's MY turn to go write! Have a good weekend Erik and company!

Erik said...

Kyle, the only storyline in the whole series that doesn't work for me is the one with James and that blonde woman and her "brother." The rest of Diane Keaton's episode works for me, but I single hers out as the "ep I didn't like" because it was the one where that storyline really came to a head.

However, I agree with you that James is hunka hunky. I love his love triangle (or square, I guess) with Donna, Laura, and Maddie. I love how melodramatic it is. How soapy. Just genius.

I don't wish ill-will on real-life Andy's relationship...but it wouldn't be too bad if it had run its course and he's happily single. In the spirit of Saying Shit Out Loud, I'm just sayin', is all.


Oh, and Kyle, back to Say Anything, you have to admit, at the very least, that the two pen moments are classic.

christy said...

I'm glad you posted a new blog so I don't have to look at the old one anymore.

BonBon and I just had the most rockstar night evah. I'll blog about it manana.

Erik said...

Okay, so I wrote this blog post fairly quickly, and I just reread it, and this is my favorite quote:

"...and me and my brothers Josh and Matt and I were trying to shoo the bug off..."

um, my brothers Josh and Matt and me AND I? how many of me are there?

Erik said...

christy, i can't wait to read about your night with bonbon. i'm jealous that you went to colleen's blogger show.

Erik said...

Wow, this blog post is really well written. Here's my next favorite section:

"So now I'm like, how often do we have bugs crawling on us and we don't even know it? Seriously. We probably have bugs crawling on us all the damned time! And we don't even know it. That's cray cray."

I wonder if we even know it when we have bugs crawling on us? Or maybe we don't even know it! Or, I don't know, maybe we don't even know it.

Bonnie said...

There's an old SNL sketch with Phil Hartman in which a guy dies and asks God, "What's the grossest thing I ever ate without knowing it?"

And God won't answer, because it's too gross.

So, the guy asks, "Okay, what's the 42nd grossest thing I ever ate without knowing it?"

And it's like an egg sack from a bug or spider or something.

When I saw that sketch, I was like, "There are some things we're just NOT supposed to know."

And the number of times you, your brothers, and you are seeing bugs on people who don't know they don't know they have bugs on them is one of those things.

And yes...

We had an amazing time last night. It was phenomenal.

Erik said...

bonbon, i've totally seen that Phil Harman sketch, it's hilarious.

we've both probably eaten bugs in the last 24 hours.

Bonnie said...

Yes... but Babes McPhee ate Bukowski's ball.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, dude. I was out of town all weekend, but I have to let you know that I ate dinner next to Daphne Zuniga in San Francisco one time at one of my favorite restaurants (Cafe Claude - Adam, are you still reading?). I think it was during the Melrose days.

Erik said...

BonBon, I love your new picture!

Erik said...


I looked and I looked and I looked for Ms. Zuniga, but even though I still believe she was there, I never saw her, and in all of my years in Los Angeles, I don't think I've ever had a Daphne Zuniga sighting, so I'm jealous. Why is she so cool? I mean, she is. I love her. Especially during the Melrose Place years.

I don't think Adam's around anymore. (Are you Adam? Are you there?)


Bonnie said...

Thanks, KiK. I like it too. I'm happy. ;)

VisionTrap said...

Yay! TP2! about time.... could never quite understand this show when I was a kid, was just too intrigued not to watch it. Now got Season one on DVD, just watched the episode with the midget talking backwards/forwards... Lynch's insanity is brilliant.

Ta for the news!