Monday, June 05, 2006

New Things #92 & 93: Driving up PCH for no freaking reason whatsoever

New Thing #92: Last night, I drove up the coast for absolutely no reason, just to drive. I've never done that before. I needed to do some thinking, to clear my head, so at midnight I got in the car and drove for four hours (well, two hours up and two hours back), way past Malibu, just driving, thinking, listening to Death Cab for Cutie and Regina Spektor on my ipod, my windows open, the ocean air running through my hair, these huge dark waves crashing into the beach as my car raced past. I thought of pulling over and going skinny-dipping in the ocean--because that would have been something I've never done before--but I decided against it because I couldn't find a good place to park and the waves were really, really big and I got nervous that they might kill me and I wasn't in the mood to, like, disappear and then be discovered naked and dead on the beach. That's just too Laura Palmer and it's not for me.

But even without the skinny-dipping, the drive was a really good thing to do. I needed it last night. There's something really therapeutic about just driving and last night, after driving for four hours, when I finally got home, I slept the soundest sleep because I'd done this really good thing for my soul.

Also--(PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE SIX FEET UNDER SERIES FINALE, EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU'LL NEVER WATCH IT, BECAUSE IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT AND YOU DON'T THINK YOU EVER WILL, THAT MEANS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW AT ALL AND YOU SHOULD GET OVER YOURSELF AND GO RENT IT BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING GOOD AND I'M ABOUT TO MAKE AN ALLUSION TO THE LAST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO RUIN THEM FOR YOU. SO JUST SKIP AHEAD. I'M SERIOUS.)--at one point in the drive, Sia's song "Breathe Me" started playing on my ipod (and when I say "started playing on my ipod," I mean that I selected it) and I pretended I was Claire Fisher and (I know this is really morbid, but) I felt like I was recreating that last moment of the series, like I was Claire just driving off to god knows where (okay, in Claire's case, she knew she was driving to New York, but she didn't know what she was going to do when she got there), and because I was thinking of those last few moments of Six Feet Under, I started to imagine (and this is the morbid thing) how all of my loved ones were going to die and I sat there in my car, driving and crying, and then the song ended and stopped crying and I wasn't Claire anymore, I was just me again, driving, clearing my head.

New Thing #93: So I didn't get to go skinny dipping in the middle of the night, but at one point during my drive I really had to pee, and so I pulled over by this cliff and I peed off the cliff and I'm counting that as a New Thing because I've never peed off of a cliff before and it felt really weird to pee and feel like the pee wasn't landing anywhere. That's a really weird observation / new thing, but whatever, I acknowledged that it's weird and now I'm just going to let it be. (Holly cow, though, I just realized that I talked about pee, which means I am going to get so many "pee" google search hits in the next couple of days.) (I honestly don't understand people's fascination with pee.) (But every few days, a google "pee" search inevitably lands someone on my blog.) (Which is even weirder than my observation about it feeling really weird to not feel my pee landing anywhere.) ("Pee" is such a juvenile word, but I can't say "urinate" because that sounds even weirder than "pee.") (Why am I still talking about this?) (I just drank a Coca-Cola, that's why.) (It's past midnight and I just drank a Coca-Cola and it amped me up.) (Holly crap.)


Jesse said...

# -1.

Jesse said...

I too did this like 3 years ago, and drove past The Bu (as the kids call it) and then didn't remember what was after The Bu, so turned around.

Do you listen to your iPod in your ears or through your car??? please tell me through your car.

Isn't that Sia song an uber super example of a song being perfect for a cinema (ok tv in this case) moment. It will always be that moment in my head always and forever.

Ok, how did I die in the morbib Bu drivenightdream?

christy said...


i'm going to help out your google fans and just say

golden shower

there i said it.

man alive i just wrote like, 25-30 pages all told. in one sitting!

my ass is sore.

i'm not tired yet.


i wish i could pee like a man.

just once.

i wish i could be a man, just once, for a day.

and then i suspect (but i might be wrong, i might really like being a man, especially in west hollywood) i would be really glad when i became a woman again at the end of that day.

christy said...

because almost every fucking guy in my like, half mile to a mile radius, is gorgeous and gay and i want to be a gorgeous gay man at least once every day.

Bonnie said...

Babes, you need this device.


Erik said...

Jesse, ha. I love that whenever we talk on the phone, you're like "I'm tired of the 'first' game," but then you play it!

Erik said...

And Jesse:

I'm not going to tell you how I listen to my ipod because I don't want you to yell at me.

And the Sia song is the best song ever in terms of it being perfect for a cinematic moment (I think "cinematic moment" can apply to TV just fine).

And I'm not going to tell you how you died because what if it's some sort of psychic harbinger of your actual death (I have no idea if I just used the word harbinger correctly or not) and you'll spend the rest of your life waiting for that thing to happen and staying away from, like, boats or whatever.

Erik said...

Christy, you should TOTALLY use BonBon's man-pee device!

Jesse said...

so i die in a boat! Wow, good thing I rarely go on boats.

dude, buy an iTrip already.

and # -1. was mockering not flattery!

Erik said...

oh i can read through your jaded cynicism, Spero. you LOVED getting first!

Jesse said...

negative fucking one dude!

That's 2 before lame old 1.

christy said...

i am newly content with peeing from a seated position, thank you.

christy said...

oh and i dreamed about you *again* last night. kevin wasn't in this one, though.

you came over to my "house" (i have no idea where my mind conceived of this house, but it was cool) and i was telling you how sad horse and dog races make me because not only are the animals extremely abused, but how do they even know they're supposed to be trying to win? so how can it be a fair competition because personal drive is not part of the competition?

because i think you were trying to get me to go to a horse race.

j-dō said...

erik do you remember in high school when we drove up the 55 for exactly some amount of time and then we ended up going to the Westminster Cafe?

you should have skinny dipped...

speaking of skinny how are your abs?

Erik said...

j-do, the thing I remember most about that night when we drove to the Westminster Cafe was being extremely paranoid about coming home past my curfew and you guys wanted to drive further than the Westminster Cafe but I was freaking out, like, "no! we cannot drive further!!!" and you guys were like, "chill, dude."

and i remember there were a lot of crazy people at the Westminster Cafe at that time of night.

and my abs are SO not even close to where i want them to be. When i wrote that blog about doing sit-ups, there was some comment dialogue about how i should be careful and not do them every day, which is the funniest thing in the world because i have not done them SINCE i wrote that blog entry. so, like, worrying that i would do them too much was kinda pointless.

Jesse said...

Everytime I drive down the 405, through The Minister of the West, I think about that night and Westminister Cafe. We were so hardcore.

Erik said...

Oh my god, we were SO hardcore. Yes, hardcore is the right word for us. Very hardcore.