I am at a coffee shop working right now and there's this guy sitting across from me who's wearing a baseball cap and he looks really good in said baseball cap and that got me thinking about how a lot of people do not look good wearing a baseball cap, like it simply doesn't feel right on them (like, for instance, me) (baseball caps DO NOT look right on me), and then I was thinking abouthow I'd like to date someone who looks good wearing a baseball cap. Maybe it's because of my random new crush on Adam Kennedy of the Angels (their second baseman, thank you very much) (look at how much baseball knowledge I have!) (i am SO butch!).
My friend Andrea S. (and I'm noting her last initial because I have two friends named Andrea) has this thing she did before she found the love of her life. She made this list called her "list of non-negotiables." She'd been unlucky in love, natch, (I don't really know when you're supposed to use the word "natch," and I may have used it wrong just now, but it felt appropriate) (and the cute guy in the baseball cap is still sitting across from me so forgive me if it causes me to use words wrong) and so she made this list of her "non-negotiables," natch. (Um, yeah, I don't know if I'm using it right there, either. Natch.) And these "non-negotiables" were basically dealbreakers from Day One. Like she wouldn't date a married woman, or she wouldn't date someone who lived out of state. Or whatever. I haven't actually seen her list, so I don't know what her "non-negotiables" were. I just know that she had this list and then she met this girl Ashleigh and they fell in love.
Now, obviously "the ability to look good in a baseball cap" should not be on ANYONE'S "non-negotiable" list, and I'm not really planning on making a "non-negotiable" list at all right now because I'm in the mood to just date and I'm happy to negotiate, or whatever. But I was thinking it would be fun to make a "negotiable" list, i.e. a list of things that I'm looking for in a guy that are TOTALLY negotiable, that are TOTALLY irrelevant, that are TOTALLY unneccessary, but I'd still like to meet a man who fulfills at least some of the requirements on this list, which I'm making mostly because I love making lists, but also because the list might come in handy, natch! (the more I type the word "natch," the more my brain starts thinking of the word "snatch," which is so totally wrong.)
Erik's list of Totally Negotiable Things (i.e. non-non-negotiables) he's looking for in his "Perfect Man," or whatever.
1. Must look good in a baseball cap
2. Must know when to use "its" and when to use "it's"
3. Must have a second home in London
4. Must have a British accent
5. Must have any accent
6. Must have read "The End of the Affair" by Graham Greene at least twice
7. Must know who "Hallie Lowenthal" is (and I chose "Hallie Lowenthal" because she wasn't a regular character, but fanatics would know who the fuck she was) (and besides, it's a non-non-negotiable)
8. Must love dogs, but not necessarily dogs
9. But can still love dogs
10. Must be a REALLY GOOD cook
11. Must be willing to occasionally let me rest my chin in his hand if I ever get tired of holding my head up
12. Must have killer abs and must know that when you're working your abs, you DO NOT work them every day, or maybe you do, depending on who you ask, but
13. Must be a brain or heart surgeon
14. Must be obsessed with television
15. Must be named Derrick and must currently be competing on MTV's Fresh Meat Challenge
16. Um, yeah, I know
17. Must own Wagamama, or at least know what Wagamama is and, like, be excited about going there
18. Must dance really well
19. Must like wearing ties (because men in ties are sexy)
20. Must know the correct usage of the word "natch," natch.
This list is far from complete, but I've gotta end it there for now.