Mrs. Lacy; Mr. Woods; and Jake

So this morning I was reading the newspaper and I noticed this article about a kindergarten teacher retiring after thirty-three years and then I looked at the photo and I did a double take because I was like, "that's my fucking kindergarten teacher!"

Congratulations on your retirement, Mrs. Lacy.

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After having now subbed for several kindergarten classes, I have an appreciation for how difficult her job was. For most kids, kindergarten teachers are the first non-familial authoritative figures in their lives, and kindergarten teachers kind of set the tone for what their school life is going to be like for the next thirteen years. Are they going to be shining student? A trouble-maker? A wallflower? Teachers have so much on their plates that they kind of have to figure out what role they think each kid is filling immediately and then treat the kids as such. Obviously there are tons of other factors to consider when talking about What Makes Us Who We Are, but I've noticed that these kids do get labeled (princess, jock, brain, criminal, basketcase) from Day freaking One. The difficult part of teaching is trying to ignore these labels (that you yourself are often reinforcing), to see through these labels to the kid underneath--to figure out what that specific kid needs (lots of attention? space to do it on their own? etc.) and give them that.

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Anyway, from what I remember about you, Mrs. Lacy (all those 23 years ago), you were a pretty good nut.

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After reading this morning's newpaper, I had a really great bowel movement (so solid!), and during said bowel movement I was reading Us Weekly (my bathroom reading of choice) and I noticed this photo of James Woods and his girlfriend, Ashley Myrick, who happens to be 39 years younger than James:

Now, I have no problem with their age difference. At all. My step-dad and my mom have made a 35-year age difference work for the last 25 years. The age difference is cool with me. But what I do have a problem with is the quote that you probably can't read at the bottom of the picture. This is what it says:

"She has it all: beauty, brains and charm. I knew her when she was a little kid," JAMES WOODS, 59, has said of girlfriend and Entourage costar ASHLEY MYRICK, 20 (together in NYC June 6). [The italics are mine.]

Um, I'm sorry Mr. Woods, but that's just something you're not supposed to ever say about your girlfriend. Like, take that quote off your list of talking points right now. There is nothing charming about it. It's skeezy and weird. Please: never say it again. (Unless you're having dinner with Woody and Soon-yi--then you can say it all you want.)

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I am so sad. While I was reading Us Weekly, I also found a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal running and looking all hot and bothered and I scanned it into my computer and I was going to post it right here, but now blogger is being finicky again and it won't let me post. (Sorry, Kyle.)

Since I can't post the picture, I'm going to post a link to Jake's acceptance speech for his "best kiss" award at the MTV movie awards, which truly was a speech about acceptance, and so simply stated.

CLINK ME.

The gossip rags like to speculate about Jake's sexuality and I don't want to add to any of that. He can be whoever he wants to be and he can do whoever he wants to do. I just love him--not merely because he's hot, but because he says things like this:

"This is a real honor, not just for me and Heath, but for all of you, that you picked this movie and this kiss over all the other ones. It's a big deal--it's a big deal. Thank you--not just from me, but from all those people struggling with love. Which is all of us."

Right on, Jake.