Okay, so several posts ago, Dustin asked me to post a list of things I have done, rather than just lists of things I have never done. Well, I'm still working on that list (I know, Dustin, I'm being lazy--I know), but since I'm about to sit down and watch the Golden Globes, I thought I would share one thing I have done:
I have crashed the Golden Globes. Eight times. With my grandparents.
Now, this was all pre-9/11, and I'm sure that the security is tighter nowadays. (It was pretty tight back then, but we always managed to work our way through it. The key is to act like you're supposed to be there and like you know where you're going.)
I have several fun Golden Globe stories. Like the time Ian McKellen told me he loved my blond hair. (It was blond at the time, so it made sense.) Or the time I got trapped in the middle of a conversation between Julianne Moore and Juliana Margulies. (This one's hard to explain, but it happened.) Or the time Allison Janney hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, and then thanked me for understanding her. Or the time Sharon Stone winked at my Granny. (They were totally flirting.) But people are beginning to walk down the red carpet, so I've gotta plunk myself down in front of the TV and enjoy.
Speaking of lists, (and I was speaking of lists, earlier, at the beginning of this post), Sheila over at The Sheila Variations has a great post today with a list of her favorite literary characters. I made my own list and posted it in her comments. But I wanted to post my list here as well:
OWEN MEANY, from A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
HUMBERT HUMBERT, from Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
SARAH MILES, from The End of the Affair by Graham Greene
MILKMAN, from Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
SOOKIE STACKHOUSE, from the Dead Until Dark series by Charlaine Harris
BENJAMIN SACKS, from Leviathan by Paul Auster
ARTURO THE AQUA BOY, from Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
PETER, from Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
MELONY, from The Cider House Rules by John Irving
the unnamed NARRATOR, from Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson
JONATHAN HARKER, from Dracula by Bram Stoker
SEMYON ZAKHAROVITCH MARMELADOV, from Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky
DANNY, from Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl
DOT, from Love Medicine by Louise Erdrich
ARCHIE JONES, from White Teeth by Zadie Smith
SAMAD IQBAL, from White Teeth by Zadie Smith
ALEXANDER, from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
This list is totally off the top of my head and by no means definitive. But, as I've said many times before, I love making a list, and so I had to play along with the "favorite literary characters" game, and I'll probably keep adding to the list. Feel free to provide your own lists in the comments.
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11 comments:
My all-time favorite is Isabel Archer in "Portrait of a Lady." She inherited a lot of money, and it totally fucked up her life. Her judgment when it came to men was terrible. But she was smart and she eventually learned from her mistakes. I like that about her.
I don't know why I feel the need to comment on every one of your blogs but here goes...
My favorite literary characters are Psycho Loco and Nick Scoby from White Boy Shuffle.
Keep on feelin' the need, Joe. It's okay. I approve.
(By the way, there's a new comment in the dungeons and dragons post from Angela K. directed at you.)
Argh. I cannot resist a list!
Humbert Humbert in "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov
Charles Kinbote in "Pale Fire" by Vladimir Nabokov
Clarissa Dalloway in "Mrs. Dalloway" by Virginia Woolf
Laura Brown in "The Hours" by Michael Cunningham
Molly Bloom in "Ulysses" by James Joyce
Cal in "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides
Remedios the Beauty in "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Philip Marlowe in "The Big Sleep" by Raymond Chandler
Jane Eyre in "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte
Joe Kavalier in "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" by Michael Chabon
Mona Gray in "An Invisible Sign of My Own" by Aimee Bender
Anonymous--I've actually never read Portrait of a Lady, but I know it's somewhere in my house, I'll give it a looksy.
Joe--I haven't read White Boy Shuffle, either, but I just looked it up on Amazon and it sounds good.
And Angela--I knew you wouldn't be able to resist a list. Me neither. I am such a sucker. I'm working on additions to my own list right now.
Seriously, I read a lot. And it's the best book I've ever read. I have a standing offer to buy it for anyone who wants to read it.
Of course I had to weigh in on the Globes. Wonder who'd wink at me now? Maybe Queen Latifah? That I'd like. Love reading your new things every day, and think you look like Earl in My Name Is with your new facial hair.
Granny J! I think Queen Latifa would TOTALLY wink at you. I just talked to Grandpa and he said you were excited about Felicity's win--I haven't seen Transamerica yet, but I thought she gave a great speech, and I'm happy for her. I was very excited about Sandra Oh winning. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? It's my new favorite show and she's so good. If we had been there this year, my goal would have been to have a conversation with Sandra.
Mr. Chandler, I want to read it. Listen to this--totally strange concidence...So, before today, I had never heard of White Boys Shuffle, and then I go to Amazon.com, and the website remembers me, of course, because websites do things like remember you nowadays, and the website was like "Customers with similar interests to you have purchased White Boy Shuffle." So apparently Amazon.com thinks I would like the book too!
ok, first off, your Granny is so cool. She rocks.
Second, I have known you since we were in high school, and I don't ever recall knowing about this golden globes crashing thing. Becasue I soooo would have begged to tag a long with you. Maybe we should plan on going to the next one? Can we all come along? Jesse, Lanie, me etc. We could dress up like the blue man group and no one would be the wiser!!!
I think it's so amazing that you have those memories, and with your grandparents no less. you are one lucky boy mr. patterson.
Gina: Yes, Granny J is the best.
As far as going to the Globes again, I'm sure the security has gotten crazy and I think I've retired my crashing uniform.
(Also, as a side note, since you mentioned the Blue Man Group, you do watch Arrested Development, right?)
((Oh my God, I can't believe I'm pimping out Arrested Development in this comment thread, but if you watch the show, you would know why Blue Man Group makes me think of nothing but AD.))
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