Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A list, 'cuz I love to make a list.

I have lots of work to do today, and I don’t know what today’s New Thing is gonna be yet, but it probably won’t happen until tonight. But I made a list of things I’ve never done, so that when I need a New Thing to do, I can just refer to the list, and start checking things off. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far, in no particular order:

I have never baked a cake.
I have never gotten advice from Dr. Drew on LoveLine.
I have never pooped in the woods.
I have never been to a nudist colony.
I have never been to a nude beach.
I have never walked down the catwalk in a fashion show.
I have never done 50 consecutive push-ups.
I have never done 30 consecutive push-ups.
I have never done 15 consecutive push-ups?
I have never been an audience member of The Price is Right.
I have never finished the Sunday New York Times Crossword.
I have never gone scuba diving.
I have never fixed a flat tire.
I have never balanced on a log for ten consecutive hours. (Survivor training!)
I have never fasted for 24 hours.
I have never volunteered in a soup kitchen.
I have never eaten a bug.
I have never gone dog sledding.
I have never made a snow angel.
I have never played tackle football.
I have never shaved my legs.
I have never shaved someone else’s legs.
I have never ridden in a hot air balloon.
I have never performed open mike at a comedy club.
I have never been to a gospel church.
I have never gotten a perm.
I have never seen the Lord of the Rings movies.
I have never gone surfing.
I have never taken a tap dancing class.
I have never been to a wine tasting.
I have never taken a photography class.
I have never taken a guitar lesson. (Thank you to Jen for the last four suggestions.)
I have never filled up my gas tank, driven east until my tank was empty, and then explored whatever town I ended up in.
I have never swam with dolphins.
I have never walked across the Golden Gate Bridge.
I have never had a Bar Mitzvah.
I have never come out of the closet to my brothers. (I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to tell them. Oy.)
I have never read the bible, cover to cover.
I have never gone salsa dancing.
I have never been a Magician’s assistant.
I have never been a waiter.
I have never stood on a pitcher’s mound and sung the National Anthem.
I have never thrown a boomerang and gotten it to come back to me.
I have never gone to the ballet. Any ballet.
I have never pierced anything.
I have never had Lasik Eye surgery.
I have never been to a high school reunion.
I have never touched a vagina.
I have never seen the British version of The Office.
I have never made twenty sack lunches and given them to homeless people.
I have never gone without speaking for 24 hours.
I have never written graffiti on a bathroom stall.
I have never played tackle football.
I have never used my YMCA membership. (The one I got 3 months ago.)
I have never joined the Mile High Club.
I have never run a marathon.
I have never had a mustache.
I have never posed for a painted portrait.
I have never knitted a scarf.
I have never cross-stitched.

Those are just a few things. Feel free to add to this list, if you think of things I might not have ever done.


communicatrix said...

Wait--you're gay?

Seriously, I'm fascinated by all lists, and yours in particular.

Have you ever shot a handgun? (I'd do that with you!)

Have you ever shaved your head? (I won't do that with you.)

Mountain climbing?
Held a gibberish conversation in a fake foreign language in public?
Eaten ice cream for breakfast?

I can't wait to hear what you haven't done next!

Erik said...

I LOVE lists. I love reading 'em, and I especially love making 'em. Okay--let's see.

No, I have never shot a handgun. It's now on the list!

Yes, I have shaved my head, twice. Once for a play, and once for fun. Both shavings occurred in college.

Yes, I have karaoked, my friends Todd and David have regular karoke parties and I like to think I'm pretty good at it (my standard number is Add It Up by the Violent Femmes, and last time I went, I think I didn't a killer rendition of Under Pressure), but I've never done karaoke in a private room at a Japanese karaoke bar like how they do it in Lost in Translation. THAT might have to go on the list. Oh, yes, I think it might.

I have never gone mountain climbing.

I have never held a gibberish conversation in a fake foreign language in public. (Though, once, when I was in Toronto, walking around the city, I pretended to have a really pronounced limp for the entire day, to see if anyone would treat me differently, but no one did.)

I have never eaten ice cream for breakfast. Yum. GREAT IDEA.

Thank you!

DAD said...

Erik, The coming out will be tough, but they oh so love you. Although two of them are involved in the "macho" world of football, they are extremely caring guys. I think the time will come and it will be as painless as when you told me. I think Mr. Japanese rocker brother is aware.
With the telling it will open up this blog and the blog world to them and they will love you even more.
Love, DAD

Eugenie Brown said...

Jesus Christ. All I wanted to do was post and say, "Erik, I want to do so many of these things with you," and then I got to your dad's comment.

And here I am, posting anyway, so blownaway as I am by your dad's post and how intense it is, but blah blah blay ME, because I am SELFISH.

Erik said...

Dad, I think you posted this a long time ago, and I only just saw it now for the first time, and thank you.