Update: Some more "I have nevers" suggested by Colleen:
I have never shot a handgun.
I have never done karaoke in a private room at a Japanese karaoke bar like how they do it in Lost in Translation.
I have never gone mountain climbing.
I have never held a gibberish conversation in a fake foreign language in public.
I have never eaten ice cream for breakfast.
And some more off the top of my head:
I have never been to Joshua Tree.
I have never competed in a poker tournament.
I have never been to one of those "sing-a-long" nights at the Hollywood Bowl.
I have never played Dungeons and Dragons.
I have never been to Missoula, Montana.
I have never been Best Man at a wedding.
I have never had an impromptu dance-off with Justin Timberlake at the Spider Club.
I have never read Penrod. (1. What IS Penrod? you might ask. And, 2. why on earth would I want to read it? you might ask, if you already know what it is. Well, it's a long story. That's my answer to both question #1 and question #2.)
I have never fathered a child. (Nor do I plan to in 2006. I'm just sayin': it's something I've never done.) (But I have tried.)
I have never dressed like a pirate.
I have never worn platform shoes.
I have never walked on stilts.
I have never taken a cooking class.
I have never thrown my drink into someone's face and then stormed out of the bar.
I have never poured my plate of spaghetti into someone's lap and then stormed out of the restaurant.
I have never met Michael J. Fox.
I have never seen Bjork in concert.
I have never gone hunting for buried treasure with a metal detector.
I have never worn a speedo.
I have never slapped someone in anger.
I have never thrown a pie into someone's face.
I have never acted in a commercial.
I have never run off and joined the circus.
I have never gotten a manicure or a pedicure.
I have never painted a house.
I have never spoken to the weird couple who live across the street from me.
I have never been to Mexico.
I have never gotten any sort of hair waxing.
I have never worn fake tan.
I have never gotten my teeth whitened.
I have never gotten my ride pimped by MTV. (And I know I'm too old, but MTV, if you're reading this, you have got to see my car. It so needs pimping.)
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4 comments:
erik, it's joe chandler. if you want to throw a drink in my face, or dump spaghetti in my lap and storm out, I am TOTALLY down. I'll do it whenever you want.
Joe. Joe. Joe. You have made my day. Totally. Awesome. I'm gonna take you up on this. We'll start making big scenes all over town. I'll be in touch to coordinate something. Thank you, kind sir.
my e-mail is j3oe@hotmail.com...others should have my phone number...i'm really excited for this!
i think i have your number. if not, i know people who do. i think we should do the drink one first and then work our way up to the spaghetti, don't you? that's a better progression. let's do it sometime next week.
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