I'm sure no one really wants to read about my poop, but I just had the weirdest poop, and if I was with someone right now, I would tell them about it, but I'm alone, and I don't have anyone to share with, so I came to the blog. If you don't want to read about the poop I just had, then stop reading right now. Seriously. I'm gonna describe it.Okay. So. You know those trees that have, gosh, I don't even know how to describe them, they're buds, I suppose, but when you pluck the bud from the tree, it crumbles into dozens of little flakes that scatter in the wind? That's what my poop was like. Like, it came out whole, like the aforementioned bud, but the second it hit the water, it scattered into a million little flakes, so, for a short moment, you could see that it was poop shaped, but then, quickly, all of the little flakes scattered in the water and then I was standing over the toilet, perplexed, looking at this poop, (or, these millions of poop flakes, really) and thinking: "I never knew poop could do that."
I'm sorry if that was Too Much Information, but if you're grossed out right now, I warned you in the first paragraph of this post, so I'm not gonna feel bad. I promise not to make this a blog about my daily bowel movements, I just thought this one was kind of appropriate because it was, you know, New. Not that it's my New Thing for today. But I had to share with someone. And you, my blog, were here.
I tried to find a picture of the specific tree I'm talking about in case you can't picture the tree I'm trying to describe, but I can't find anything on google. If you have any idea what tree I'm referring to, and you can send me a picture of it, I will totally, like, buy you a taco, or something.
NOTE: It's April 14. I just added that picture of me and Pooh at the top of this post. The picture has nothing to do with this post at all, other than the fact that Winnie the Pooh and my flaky poop both essentially have the same name. I am just obsessed with this new scanner that I got and so I've decided to decorate old posts with pictures. Hence this picture of me and Pooh.
4 comments:
I don't know the tree, but I know the poop. Those are the heartbreaker poops when you're climbing back to health from a bad bout of Crohn's. Because you think your bowels are finally forming nice poops, and when you turn around to check, you see the whole thing is just diarrhea held together with spit and a prayer, as it were.
I can't believe I finally have someone besides my sister to talk poop with. And just in time: she's kind of over it.
You can count on me to be your poop brother.
Just a little update...
I have gotten a few emails with suggestions as to what it is that I'm referring to. My friend Aki and my other half Uma both sent pictures to me, but I don't think the tree has been identified yet. I'm still searching, so I can be as absolutely descriptive as humanly possible.
Oh, that last comment was written by me, but for some reason I wasn't logged in, so it didn't say my name.
Post a Comment