Thursday, April 06, 2006

Feeding the blog beast.

Several random thoughts:

My mother keeps begging me to write a new post on my blog because she obsessively checks to see if there’s a new post, but every time she checks she has to read about my penis, or, excuse me, Billy Zabka, and she doesn’t want to read about Billy Zabka anymore.

However, speaking of Billy Zabka, in case you don’t read comment threads, I would like to thank Angela for my favorite comment of the week:


“I totally want to have business cards made up that list me as: Angela Kang, A.O.E.P.P.

“And when people ask what it stands for, I'll say (in a bad British accent): "Authority on Erik Patterson's Penis".

“(I don't know why it needs to be said in an accent. It just does.)”


Well, I think that’s a great idea,
so I am officially anointing
my friend Angela
as my A.O.E.P.P.


My step-mom’s boyfriend Dale gave me a Motorola razor phone last night and it’s so fucking cool. I am completely obsessed with it. I don’t think of myself as a gadget person, but I guess I really am one.

This phone has a camera and a video feature too (though I haven’t completely figured out the video part of the phone yet) (actually, I kind of understand how to use it, I just don’t know if there’s a way to ever get the videos off of my phone and onto my computer) (but give me time) and, as you can see from the photos on the left, I have been having fun with my new camera phone.

Do you remember when you were a kid (like 8 or 9 or 10 years old) and your parents would let you play with their camera and you would go crazy and take pictures of the dumbest things, just because you could? Like, I remember going on a trip, I can’t remember where we went, but I do remember the pictures I took:

--There was this great picture of the toilet in the airplane.
--There were several pictures of my feet.
--There were a few pictures of the sidewalk.
--I think there was a picture of my mom’s chin.

You know, when you’re a kid with a camera, you take lots of bad pictures like that.

Well, I’m kinda like that with my new phone. I’m all snap this and snap that. Like, I was driving home and I started taking pictures of the street through my car window. Why on earth would I ever want pictures of the street through my car window? I think it’s because my cell phone lacks the concept of “film” so I go hogwild.


Speaking of being a kid and taking really bad photos, that reminds me of this field trip we took in fifth grade to Chinatown in Los Angeles. It was this big field trip—we came up to LA in several buses—but I can’t really remember what we were specifically coming to see. I just remember eating lots of junk food, and I also remember that I had decided I was obsessed with this girl Katie Hawkins—I had decided that I was in love with her—and so I followed her around and took an entire roll of pictures of her. I got her backside in some of the photos, and some of the photos feature Katie giving me a look that’s like “why are you taking my picture again?” and then some of the photos feature Katie looking at one of her friends and talking to them and it looks like she’s probably saying “why is Erik taking my picture again?”

But that’s what happens when you’re young and in love and you have a camera.


Two years later, at the end of seventh grade, Katie and I would run against each other for Eighth Grade Class President.

In my election speech, I vowed to “bring back school Read-a-Thons.”

Katie, my former “love,” won.

I remember, after the election, one of my friends who was already on the ASB, and was therefore in charge of counting the votes, told me that I had received two votes.

Two votes.

And I voted for myself, so one of them was mine.


I had dinner with my friend Lara and her daughter tonight and I haven’t seen them in forever it was so fucking great to see them. Actually, I should say it was so f-u-c-k-i-n-g great to see them, since we spent most of the night spelling out curse words. Not that we were participating in some sort of curse word spelling bee, I’m just saying that when the occasion to curse would come up, we would spell the words out for the sake of her daughter. (Why did I feel the need to spell that out?) (Sometimes I really wonder about myself.)


I still need to post pictures from my dinner with Bonnie and Keith and PAM the other night.


Joe Chandler, you still need to post a comment on the “Best TV characters” blog entry. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.


I did a really big New Thing yesterday, but I’m too tired to blog about it right now. It deserves a blog entry of it’s own. But I just wanted to acknowledge that I did it.


Rebecca said...

LOVE the pictures and I am SO jealous of your new phone! I want one of those and am determined to get one when my contract is up and I *have* to buy a new phone from whatever new company I go with.

Also, I would've voted for you, for class president. But then, the person I voted for always lost so that probably wouldn't have helped much.

Also also, I did a new thing today! I started a blog of my own!! One post only so far, but I'm kind of excited about this!

Anonymous said...

Thank God I don't have to read about your penis anymore.

Gina said...

I have the hot pink razor phone. Well, I guess you know that b/c you read my blog every now and then. I love it becasue its a hot sexy bitch of a phone. But I still mostly use my sidekick. Love the photos of you. And I'm intrigued on what your new thing is...

Anonymous said...


1)I have a new razr (razor?) phone and it is PINK! What color is yours? Every time I start to film something, like me talking to myself before the lights go out, it stops filming before I am done. Maybe it's just that boring. Anyway, we can compare phones when I come to LA in three weeks!

2) I am a little distrubed that you felt the need to anoint Angela, instead of appoint her. Anointing just has a lot more moisture involved, and when dealing with penises, one has to be careful of that.

3) Yea, LARA! YEA, YEA, YEA!


Anonymous said...

and distrubed is soooo much worse than disturbed. really. look it up.

not really.

Erik said...

Rebecca, I am so excited that you have a blog now!

Your kids are TOO cute. So many of my friends have been having kids lately (or, two of them, at least) (and when I say "lately," I mean a couple of years ago) (which is to say their kids are toddlers now) (so I should have said "so many of my friends have toddlers right now") (rather than "so many of my friends have been having kids lately") and I have had so much fun being goofy with these kids and pretending to be Mr. Potato Head and dancing to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I have been totally wanting to have a kid. Anyway, all of that was spurred on by seeing the picture of your kids, Rebecca, who are adorable.

Thank you for the vote that you would have given me! Three votes is better than two.

Erik said...


You didn't HAVE TO read about it.

But sorry.


Erik said...

Gina, you me and Lindsay should start a Razr club, or something. Like, the only people who can be in the club are cool kids like us who have these awesome phones. (By the way, you don't know this Lindsay, it's not the Lindsay we went to high school with, it's the Lindsay I went to college with and she's awesome and you'll love her and we'll have fun in our Razr club.) I wish mine was pink too. Mine's black. And I need to download a cool ringtone because my ringtone majorly sucks right now.

I will blog about the new thing I did soon. It was a biggie. (But not nearly as big as I thought it would be, which is good.)

Erik said...


Did you hear? I'm starting a Cool Kids Club and the only requirement is that you must own a Razr phone to be allowed into the club. We're gonna have meetings at the clubhouse (my treehouse) every day after school.

My new Razr phone is Black, not Pink like yours.

I think that there's a time limit to the video function, so I wouldn't accuse myself of being boring if I were you. I was thinking that it would be fun to try to make a movie using the video function on my Razr phone, except it would probably look INCREDIBLY crappy and it would get really frustrating to only be able to film scenes in 12 second chunks, or whatever the time limit is.

Or what if there really is no time limit and it really DOES just cut you off when it starts to get bored with you???? That would be a really brutal phone.

As far as the anointing of Angela is concerned, since it had to do with my penis, I wanted it to be kinda religious, and anointing is much more religious than appointing, though I hear what yer saying about it being oily and all. Hmmm.

3) I know! It was so exciting to see Lara! So exciting! And I am so excited that I will see you at the end of the month! Two exciting people in one month! It's too much excitement!


Oh, and I just looked up "distrubed," and whoa, you weren't kidding.

Erik said...

Oh, and I didn't mention this is my blog post, but do you all like how I went around with my new phone taking pictures of pictures of myself??? How narcissistic is that?

Erik said...

Oh, and I don't feel like editing this post, so I'll just comment:

Originally the pictures WERE on the left of the blog post, which is why I mention "the pictures on the left" in the blog post, but then the layout looked all screwy and weird so I had to move the photoes.

Whoa, I'm Dan Quail.

Erik said...

Actually, "distrubed" goes really well with anointed.

christy said...

Wow Erik, you have very sexy fingers.

And I would have voted for you to. Because I would have run against you and not voted for myself because I am a diplomat. And I wouldn't have voted for Katie, because I would have HATED her, because SHE ALWAYS BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING. Like, that cute pre-gay boy I have a huge crush on is following HER around with a camera! OMG! That bitch!

christy said...

Wait a minute, I was student body vice president in 9th grade.

So I was Katie. And I did vote for you...(2 votes, right?)

Rebecca said...

WOW! 7 of your own comments in a row!! Is that a record of some kind? ;-P

And thanx for the compliment on my little guys... I think they're pretty cute too!

Jesse said...

My Year of New Things thing for tomorrow:

Erik doesn't post comment replys on his blog for 24 hours.

Any want to start a pool on how long Erik will be able to not break his Razor phone. I'm in for 7 days.

Erik said...

Dude, why would you want me to not comment on my blog? You should LIVE for my comments.

Erik said...

Oh, and Jesse, as far as your bet goes, I think I'll probably break the phone in five days.

Jesse said...

i left you a comment on my blog

Dave said...

Billy Zabka huh? I wonder if his penis is named Erik?

I was very surprised to learn that a lot of guys had names for their penis. I never went that far, but realized, after a time, that naming their cars wasn't where it ended.

Although I think you get points for originality because if I recall correctly, my friends penis names ranged from Monster (uh, yeah) to Shamu (seriously) and Junior (yes, Jr.).

And I have to tell you, not by design, but fate maybe, I later found out that it was Jr. who was really the Shamu of the lot. But that's a whole other story.

Erik said...

Jesse, I like that you're leaving a comment telling me to go read a comment.

Jesse said...

I have to, cuz you refuse to create a LiveJournal account, and you use this arcane technology called Blogger which has no reply comment notifactions.

Blogger is the laserdisc of blogs.

Erik said...

Whatever, Jesse.

Jesse said...

"whatever". I expect better blog banter than that!

Erik said...

You want better blog banter?

Like, as if.

the shorter story... said...

hey cuz! i've been so busy it's been a while since i was on here...but i still love ya :) i just had to comment on the pics, cuz you've always taken weird pics. and by 'weird', of course, i mean 'creative.' i still have the pics you took of matt and nikki and i...there are a couple of just our feet (at the playground by your house) and one of our hands around the banister. so, you've just always been a creative genius ;)

Erik said...

AQR, I love those pictures! That was the height of my photography creative genius, it truly was. Are you back in town? How was the trip to Cleveland??? (It WAS cleveland, right?) (Or do I have the wrong city?) I am so proud of you. (My cousin was in PEOPLE MAGOZINE, people!) (Holly crap, is that how you spell "magozine"??? I just tried every single vowel in the slot where I finally decided to go with "o," but none of them look right. "O" merely looks the least wrong.) (How on earth did I get through college without knowing how to spell magoaiouzine?) (It's not like I don't read enough of them, I should know how to spell them.) (Jessica, my obsession with grammer hijacked this comment which should have been directed completely at your awesomeness.) (Sorry for my assholedness.) (Hey Lindsay! Did you see that?!? I used your word.) (I use your word a lot. It's a good word.) (Sorry, Jessica, but Lindsay just hijacked my comment to you too.) (actually, she didn't hijack it, but, well, whatever)

Erik said...


I'm embarrassed.

Erik said...

Rebecca, 7 of my own comments in a row is nuthin'!

I am obsessed with leaving comments. Either:

a) it's part of what makes my blog fun,


b) i don't know when to quit.

But whichever, I'm totally a comment whore.

the shorter story... said...

yes, i am back in town! cleveland went well, but i was wiped. the city actually saddened looks like they totally just let it go. anyway, thank you so're so sweet (even when your grammar hijacks your message to me). i'm glad you knew which pics i was talking about...i was worried that i may be crazy for a sec. did u really not know how to spell magazine? lol :)

Erik said...

Jessica, I seriously did not know how to spell magazine. It's like that little tiny part of my brain that has known how to spell the word magazine for 20something years just stopped working. And then boom. Kaput. The word was gone.

I'm glad to hear Cleveland went well, though that's sad to hear that the city's as you describe it. I'm sure the kids were thrilled to have you there, and that you brightened a lot of spirits.

love you, erik

Bonnie said...


Don't be embarrassed. You rule! ;)

Angela said...

1. I'm proud to be officially anointed A.O.E.P.P. (tho Lindsay's right--it's a little disturbing because of the Moisture Factor).

1b. Is Lindsay from college the same Lindsay from college that I think she is? (Did that sentence make ANY sense?) If so, hi!

2. Hooray for seeing Lara and Lara's daughter!

3. I want a Razr phone!

3b. I want to join the Razr club!

4. I--unlike Jesse and Erik--have faith in Erik, and I bet he won't break his Razr phone for 10 whole days.

christy said...

Erik, I get that you are ignoring my 430 comments because a) you need artistic space in which to come up with the blog of perfection that is to be, *my* blog, and b) that I haven't really given you much to work with in the way of comments that warrant responses.

But I just wanted to say, I opened this up but my screen was minimized at work and all I saw was:

"And thanx for the compliment on my little guys... I think they're pretty cute too!"

And I thought that was *you* responding to my comment about your fingers!!

So yes, I can amuse myself for DAYS while I await my new blog name.

Erik said...

Oh my god.
Oh man.
Holly cow.

Erik said...


1. Don't be disturbed. The Moisture Factor will actually make your job as the A.O.E.P.P. much easier. (I don't even know what that means.) (What are we talking about?)

1b. Lindsay from college IS TOTALLY the same Lindsay from college that you think she is.

2. I know. It was so cool to see Lara and her daughter. Her daughter is a hoot. Honestly one of the most adorable person I have ever met in my life. And she talks SO MUCH. It was great. She just rambles on and on and by the end of the evening we were best friends. When we all said goodnight, Lara was putting Megan into the car and Megan said that she wanted to say goodnight to me again, so she ran to me with her arms widespread and gave me a big hug and a kiss and I thought, "wow, this little girl loves me! I made an impression!" And then she ran back to Lara and hugged and kissed the car and suddenly I didn't feel quite as special. But we did have a time. Lots of fun.

3. You should totally have a Razr phone.

3b. Because, I'm sorry, but you cannot be in the Razr phone club unless you have a Razr phone.

4. Thank you for the vote of confidence. 3 days and counting!

Erik said...

Christy, what about naming your blog:

Sorry, I'm REALLY bad at coming up with blog names tonight.

Erik said...

Magozine, grammer. Magozine, grammer. I totally feel like I've had my "Uma, Oprah" blog moment.

LeighAnn said...

It is a great phone, and I see you aren't having any trouble with the camera feature!


Erik said...

Actually, Leigh Ann, the camera feature is almost the only feature of the phone I've used so far! There's no wonder I keep accidentally calling it my camera, and then remembering, "oh, yeah, i can call people with this thing, too."

Bonnie said...

You've definitely had your Uma/Oprah moment in blogland and god bless you that anyone cares to put you on the map. You MUST love that truth. How much would Dave Letterman hate himself if he didn't count?!?


Work it, baby. However you spell it!

Bonnie said...

BTW, Holly Cow loves you!!

Erik said...

Oh Bonnie, I am WORKIN' it, girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

alright. so your high-score didn't end in a 7, but there's a 7 in it. that's worth something, ain't it?