Tuesday, April 11, 2006


If you read my blog a lot, then you know I’m obsessed with google. It’s been a while since I’ve posted a list of my google searches, so I thought I’d satisfy all of y’all who are interested in my google dirty laundry with another list. (Also because I like lists.) (Which you also already know if you read my blog a lot.) (Or maybe you even know that if you don’t read my blog a lot.) (Because it’s kinda obvious.)

These are my most recent google searches (from the last seven days).

Unedited. Unexpurgated. Alphabetized.

(I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to turn all of the searches into workable links right now. Which means that if you’re reading this and you’re like, “I want to google ‘Donovan leitch naked’ too,” then you’re going to have to do the own damn search yourself.) (By the way, I didn’t find any naked pictures of Donovan Leitch, so don’t waste your time.) (AND WHY WAS I EVEN LOOKING? That’s the real question.) (But I promised you an unedited look at my search history and that’s what you’re getting.)

"A clockwork orange" screencaps
"audrey hepburn"
"Backwards evolution"
"Beagle virus"
"Billy zabka" penis
"boom boom"
"Brian de palma" "lapsed catholic"
"choose your own adventure books" barnes and noble
"choose your own adventure books" reprinted
"crystal meth" "Side affects"
"Dan futterman" theater
"Defending your life" Irvine
"Derrick shepherd" greys neurosurgeon
"Donovan leitch" naked
"dorian gray" "Boston court" naked
"Erik Patterson is a gay google"
"Erik Patterson"
"farmer's market" "Orange county”
"Florida film festival"
"Friends with money" sundance premiere
"gauntlet 2" host
"Grey's anatomy" "Season 2" "on vhs"
"Holly hunter"
"Hotel Fusion"
"Iliad books" vineland
"Iliad bookstore" Burbank
"it could be you" tootsie farm
"Johnny lawrence" karate
"Just one of the guys" Barbara
"Karina Taira" premiere
"La Belle Et Le Bad Boy" ringtone
"like a toaster" "being alone" mscl
"like a toaster" "being alone" so-called
"like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster"
"Malcolm mcdowell" sexy
"Malcolm mcdowell" underwear
"Marilyn monroe" script margins
"mercury poisoning" "daphne zuniga"
"mercury poisoning" "what is safe"
"mercury poisoning" deathly?
"mercury poisoning" levels
"mercury poisoning" salmon
"mercury poisoning" symptoms
"mercury poisoning" tuna
"My year of new things"
"myspace addiction anonymous"
"myspace addiction"
"named my penis"
"of contradictions"
"Pakistani busboy""sex and the city" single
"Samantha was" Single armor sex and city
"speeding ticket"
"speeding ticket" fine
"The green slime"
"Tom manning" comic
"Toothy tile is"
"Twin peaks" ringtones
"Uma Nithipalan" erik
"Uma Nithipalan" soaps
"Willam belli"
autistic basketball
average speeding fines
claire dances to "six feet under" towleroad
cronick valentine
eight men out
gay theater "los angeles"
Harvey pekar new work
hbo Atlanta
imdb murder she wrote
Ingrid "addicted to myspace"
internet explorer tool bars
johan Lauren
john cena
lesbian tootsie Idaho
paul rudd snarl
pus adjective
pusie adjective
pussey adjective
pussie adjective
pus-y adjective
sarah utterback myspace
tranlate latin to English
translate Latin to English
trepadatious dictionary


Time for bed. No more googling. No more blogging.



Bonnie said...

It was NOT "Billy Zabka" penis was it?

Oh, how I love being FIRST to comment at your blog.

I so so so need a life.

TheDarkerUma said...

did you know that I am allergic to soap?

and therefore I am never clean.

those were my first thoughts when I read your list.

the third being shame, my name is Uma Nithipalan and I am a soap fan.

a woman in need of a good poop.

TheDarkerUma said...

or should I say a soap fan for life.

christy said...

Erik, you just inspired me to google my own name. Some little known facts about Christina Bunner:

1) she dissed Norman Mailer to the Philadelphia Inquirer (aww yeah, this is #1, and he so read it)

2) she was a semi-finalist in some scriptapalooza contest

3) she participated in the city-wide campaign to bring the Real World back to Philadelphia

4) she and her husband Charles filed a class action lawsuit against Parker Technologies, a subsidiary of the publicly traded Parker Drilling Company

Anonymous said...

Oh, Christy, that's good. I am just an unattractive British woman who owns some property in Australia. I wonder if I can lay claim to it somehow...

christy said...

I just googled

"lifestyles ultra thin"

which brought me to undercovercondoms.com

which told me based on my preferences I might also like:

Assorted Flavors Lubricated
Beyond 7
Beyond Seven Aloe
Black Ice (Thin)
Crown Assorted Colors
Dual Pleasure
Durex Avanti
Durex Chocolate Passion
Durex Love
Durex Warming
Durex XXL
Enhanced Pleasure
Extended Pleasure
Female Condom
Hot Passion
Hot Rod
Kimono Colors
Kimono MAXX
Kimono MicroThin
Kimono MicroThin w/ Aqua Lube
Kimono Special
Lifestyles XL
Lucious Flavors
Maximum Love
Natural Feeling (Lube)
Natural Feeling (Non-Lube)
Natural Lamb
Night Light
Nuda (Max Sensation)
Premium Colors
Premium Lubricated
Rainbow Colors
Slippery When Wet (Lubricated)
Snugger Fit
Tingling Pleasure
Trustex Banana
Trustex Chocolate
Trustex Cola
Trustex Grape
Trustex Mint
Trustex Strawberry
Trustex Vanilla
Warm Sensations

and that I could buy them in bulk quantities of 1000. but that's alot. especially for like, grape.

christy said...

And Lindsay, you should TOTALLY try to get that property away from the ugly British you.

Erik said...

Bonnie, not only were you first to comment on this blog entry, but that was the first time that anyone has laid claim to being "FIRST" to comment on my blog. I have this fantasy that My Year of New Things commenting will reach such a ferver that the first comment on every post will be along the lines of "FIRST!" followed by another comment of "FIRST!" and then a third comment from the same person who left the second comment saying "Oh, I thought I was first."

How fun would that be?

Erik said...

Dear Uma,

OF COURSE i know that you're allergic to soap. You should notice that I didn't search your name and "soap," I searched your name and "soaps."

And you not ever being clean has nothing to do with your allergy to soap.


(Did you get your good poop? I can't imagine that you're able to poop at the office, unless you're under extreme diress, so I imagine you HAVEN'T gotten your good poop. Sorry.)

Erik said...

I'm so excited that Christina Bunner is a Real World fan!

Erik said...

Lindsay, I didn't know you were British. (And I happen to think you're very attractive.)

Jesse said...

"mercury poisoning" "daphne zuniga"
"mercury poisoning" "what is safe"
"mercury poisoning" deathly?
"mercury poisoning" levels
"mercury poisoning" salmon
"mercury poisoning" symptoms
"mercury poisoning" tuna

...Erik was at a seafood buffet with former cast members of Melrose Place and broke a thermometer and flipped the fuck out.

Erik said...

Christy, does it taste grape like Welch's Grape?

Or like Grape Jolly Rancher's?

(Is there even a difference?) (I think there must be--subtle differences between fake grape tastes.)

Erik said...

Jesse, don't mock my hypochondria.


TheDarkerUma said...

no i'm still waiting to poop - i try not to do anything (other than grocery shopping) in public places.

as bo, so aptly put it, i am a shut-in....

I can't wait to go home, sit down on my toilet and read a trashy magazine for a good half hour.


ps. maybe one day i will have a real long one that touches the floor of the toilet.

a girl can dream

Erik said...

my darling,

"maybe one day i will have a real long one that touches the floor of the toilet."

i wish this for you as well. there isn't very much in life that is better.

(i know you can appreciate the truth of that statement.)

Dave said...

Mmmm Iliad bookstore. Great bookstore.

What an insight into you Erik! I'm afraid to look at my google list...really, i am

christy said...

I don't know, but I don't think I would pick grape for my lifetime condom supply. I think "grape flavor" more than any other "flavor" is its own distinct flavor that has nothing to do with actual grapes.

Oh my god. Erik. I think I just had the best new thing idea EVER. We should get every flavor of condom and have a condom taste test and come up with some grading system (thumbs up sounds...dirty...eww) and publish the results. And with a gay guy and a straight girl, we would create like, a universal condom flavor mandate.

and btw I think rainbow condoms are ridiculous. I mean we're not there to make balloon animals. oh wait, that sounds fun! afterwards.

Erik said...

Dave, I know--isn't it the greatest book store ever? I heard that they're moving to a new location, I'm not sure when or where. I hope it stays as good as it is after it moves. And I wonder what will become of Odyssey Video after it's no longer adjacent to Iliad Bookstore.

Erik said...

Christy, I'm still jealous that you get paid to sit in an office and comment on my blog about condom testing plans.

Bonnie said...


Jesse (Starfucker who?) is brilliant.

And I so so so so so totally want you and Christy to do the condom taste test and report.


Oh, and I was first on your "62" post too.

I rule.

Bonnie said...


My googlitis and self-googling made it to the UrbanDick!

Go thumbs-up me! (Um... I mean THEM... not ME.) Hee.

Dave said...

Iliad moving? Erik how can that be?

And the video store too! Those have been there forever. It's such a part of NoHo I can't imagine something else being in that location.

Yeah, I hope it stays as cool as it is when it moves. I'm sure it will ... Well, I hope it will. Got my fingers crossed!

christy said...

Erik, my job involves the words "Wal-Mart Analyst."

Bye, bye jealousy.

And btw, St. Nick's makes their drinks way the hell too strong. Like, so strong I don't blog about that strong.

Erik said...

Christy, sorry I didn't make it to Tuesdays last night. How'd it go? You read, right?

And the drinks they serve me at St. Nick's are never very alcoholy. I think the bartender likes you.

And I'm still jealous of your Wal-Mart Analyst job, because they (don't realize) they pay you to blog.