My Week, as seen through the eyes of my phone.

Click to enlarge.

Row One, photo 1: Uma doesn't like it when I take her picture, so when the camera phone comes out, she either runs away from me or she gets crass. I don't know whose hand that is in the photo. I think it might be Scott Caan's.

Row One, photo 2: I am totally obsessed with my camera phone (obviously) and I cannot stop taking bad pictures with it (obviously) and I'm also (obviously) obsessed with taking pictures through my windshield while I'm driving (or taking pictures of myself while I'm driving, which, if you think about it, is really kind of strange--I like to think that it's not a completely narcissistic thing, but rather just an obsession born out of circumstance and that if I wasn't in the car alone so frequently I would be obsessively taking pictures of other people in the car, but since it's most often just me in the car I need a subject and so I end up obsessively taking pictures of myself driving) (further proof that this is a circumstantial obsession and not a narcissistic one: I have deleted all [or most] of the photos of me driving and none of them are in that little collage in this here post) and I don't know what this is a picture of. I think it's someone's headlight, warped by my shitty little camera phone that turns lights into huge explosions of pixilated activity.

Row One, photo 3: This is me and Aki and Carie. You can't see Carie in the photo because my bad camera aim missed her, but the three of us are in the middle of a group hug. My camera, or, um, my phone, does this weird thing where if you leave a photo in it for a long time it starts to warp, kind of like the photo of the McFly siblings in Back to the Future, except instead of slowly disappearing, people start to stretch and melt in my camera photos. Part of me worries that my camera phone is some sort of conduit of evil and my friends are stretching and melting in real life along with their camera phone pictures, but so far I haven't heard of anyone losing their face.

Row Two, photo 1: Another picture of the road taken while I was driving.

Row Two, photo 2: Aki and Carie again, except this time Carie's actually in the photo. Carie was in town for a couple of days from DC, so we hung out on Friday night. It was great to see her. And it was great to see Aki, too, who lives in LA, and who needs to teach me how to cook something again really soon. (She taught me how to make challah bread from scratch back at the beginning of My Year of New Things.)

Row Two, photo 3: Another picture of cars driving.

Row Three, photo 1: Yeah, again, driving cars. I'm special.

Row Three, photo 2: This is my brother Matt's mouth filled with lasagna.

Row Three, photo 3: Bo.

Row Four, photo 1: Aki and Carie looking scared. When I showed this picture to them, they were both like "what are we looking at?" and "why do we look so scared?" Maybe a subconscious part of them knows that my phone is going to melt their faces.

Row Four, photo 2: Carie chugging a beer in preparation for the inevitable melting of her face by my camera phone. (I accidentally typed "Carie chugging a bear," which would have been a tremendously more intriguing photograph, had it happened.)

Row Four, photo 3: Clouds. (Clouds?)

Row Five, photo 1: It was my brother Mike's 18th birthday. We went out for dinner. He was hungry and pounded back his lemonade while waiting for his meal. The waiter brought a refill. Mike pounded that back too. The waiter brought another refill--boom, pound, no more lemonade. Finally, the waiter brought out an entire pitcher with a straw so that he wouldn't have to refill Mike's lemonade anymore, and then, to be funny, Mike tried to pound back the pitcher of lemonade as well. By the time his dinner was brought out, he could barely even take one bite and he kept having to excuse himself to go to the bathroom (where I suspect he was having lemonade diarrhea, but I didn't ask). Happy 18th birthday, Mike!

Row Five, photo 2: Those are Laural Meade's hands. She's offering me my choice of chocolate bunnies. Heaven.

Row Five, photo 3: Uma being really dark in a really dark bar and being annoyed that I'm taking another picture of her.

Row Six, photo 1: Yep, it's another picture of the street through my car window...

Row Six, photo 2: ...and another.

Row Six, photo 3: Matt's lasagna.

Row Seven, photo 1: Really old English muffins. Seriously. (Yes, they're green.) (Yes, that's mold.)

Row Seven, photo 2: There's this dish I like to make every once in a while. It's called a chocolate chip omelette. It's exactly what it sounds like. A lot of people think I'm crazy, but hello, don't almost all chocolate desserts have egg in them? Given, the egg is usually part of something people like to call "cake dough," but still, it's there. I've tried to order a chocolate chip omelette a couple of times at Jerry's Deli and other assorted diners and no one will ever make it for me. So, the other night when I was craving one, I just ordered a side of eggs and then asked for a cup of chocolate chips and I mixed it myself. YUM. (Seriously, you guys, YUM.)

Row Seven, photo 3: Carie and Aki posing in my favorite photographic location: the street. (Okay, and actually, they aren't "posing"--they're walking away from me because they're tired of me taking pictures of them with my dumb phone.)

Row Eight, photo 1: Degrassi's back! And I love it more than ever. Stop reading right now if you don't watch Degrassi: TNG because you won't have any idea what I'm talking about and you won't care, but if you DO watch...how much do you love Paige and Alex together? So much, right? And how gay is Marco now? So gay, it's great. Ug, and Spinner? My heart goes out for him. He's one fucked up little dude and he just needs a friend. And I feel bad for Snake. He made a mistake. I want Spike to talk to him at least--I think they can work things out. ANd, like, ohmygod, when are we going to see JT???????? What, he attempts suicide at the end of last season and two episodes into this season and we haven't even seen him yet??!??!!??? What the frig is that about???? And pregnant Liberty, where are you, too!?!???! I used to hate you, Liberty, because you were such a goody-little-two-shoes, but now that you're preggers, I wanna see you every episode, so come back. Please. (I have a problem.) (Okay, I have many problems, but my obsession for Degrassi is high on the list.)

Row Eight, photo 2: Ingrid! MySpace!

Row Eight, photo 3: Oh, it's just me taking another picture of the street.