So I named my penis Billy Zabka.
If you don't know who Billy Zabka is, well, he was only one of the most awesome actors to come out of the '80s. I am serious here. You might think I'm talking all tongue-in-cheek and shit, but I could not be more earnest. Billy Zabka was the jock-asshole-villian in Karate Kid and Just One of the Guys. (If you still don't know who he is, then you need to go rent those movies motherfucking now.) He achieved a bit of fame from those two movies and he's still working--he's still acting--but he hasn't ever quite reached the zenith peaks he reached with Karate Kid and Just One of the Guys. But he was fricking awesome in those movies. Like fucking kickass, you know? Such a badass. Such a dude. Such an awesome prick.
Which is why I think it's appropriate to name my penis after him.
I just did a google search of the phrase "Billy Zabka is..." and here's what the internet had to say about my penis:
Billy Zabka is the head of Cobra Kai.
Billy Zabka is still around.
billy zabka is my long lost lover.
Billy Zabka is THE guy who THE karate kid fights at THE end.
Billy Zabka is a jerk.
billy zabka is the best gift a girl could get on valentine's day.
Pretty cool, right?