Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dispelling the myth that 14-year-olds cannot apply to be on MTV's MADE.

Earlier this afternoon, the following google search brought a very disappointed 14-year-old to my blog:

Why can't 14 year olds apply for MTV's Made?

I feel bad that this kid came to my blog looking for an answer to this (very important) question, only to leave my blog empty handed (in a matter of words). (And when I say it's very important, I'm not being sarcastic or ironic.) (I truly feel for this 14 year old kid, because any kid who wants to be on Made is a good kid in my book.) (Seriously--I love the show.) (Interestingly enough, I don't think I've ever written about the show on my blog, but still the search found me.) (It's like it was destined for me.) (If you aren't familiar with the show, each episode follows a high school aged kid [who must apparently be older than 14] as they try to get "made" into someone they aren't but wish they could be, i.e. the geeky girl wants to get made into the Prom Queen, or the princessy girl wants to get made into a Skater Chick, or the white boy wants to be made into a rapper, etc., and then MTV provides them with Made Coaches who help these kids achieve these seemingly impossible dreams, and sometimes the kids achieve them, and sometimes the kids don't, and it's fascinating and it's really a kind of hopeful show because the kid featured in each episode usually learns how difficult it is to achieve many of your dreams but that they ARE attainable if you work at it, if you persist, if you don't give up, and then by the end of each episode the kids featured usually have this amazing sense of accomplishment because they actually have pulled something off that a lot of other people thought would be impossible. It's an inspiring show. I admit that I'm a sucker for a lot of things, but I think that this is one reality show that isn't only about entertainment, but that also does some greater good.) (So that's what the show is.)

So. Hey, random 14-year-old. Yeah, I'm talking to you. The one who googled "why can't 14-year-olds apply for MTV's MADE?" I did some research for you because I WANT YOU TO APPLY. And guess what I found out? YOU CAN. According to MTV's website, you can apply to be on Made "if you appear to be between 15 and 21." The operative word in that sentence (and if you've been slacking off in English class, I mean the fucking most important word in that sentence) is "appear." Meaning you don't really have to be 15! You can be 14 as long as you look older, and even if you don't, well, all you have to do to apply is send in a videotape "[explaining] what your goal is, why you think you can make it, and why you need [MTV] to help you reinvent yourself. Also mention if you know when your goal can be achieved (tryout date/audition?)" and then MTV will "give you the tools to pursue your dream - the coach, the trainer, the tutor, whatever - and you'll do the rest." What I'm trying to say is that even if you don't freaking look 15 yet, then pour your heart into that videotape and maybe they'll look beyond your youthful appearance and see your heart and your dream and your goal and they'll see that spark, that fire, and they'll want to help you get Made?!? You never know. It never hurts to try. The answer might be no, but hell: it might be yes too. And if you don't send in a tape, well, then there ain't no might about it: the answer is no. So make a kick ass tape and send it in!

I really hope that you google your question again and come back to my blog because my blog now has an answer for you. Anyway, good luck, kid.

*

My favorite episode of Made is the one where the band girl wants to become Prom Queen and no one thinks she's going to get it because she's a freaking band girl, and then this rumor starts spreading around campus that she's planning on building her prom dress herself out of duct tape, and the rumor happens to be true, and she's staying up late every night making this EPIC dress out of DUCT TAPE, and it looks like it's not going to come together because she still has homework to do and she still has to find a date and she still has to try to convince the school to vote for her when no one knows her, and then flashforward to Prom Night: we see her in her DUCT TAPE PROM DRESS for the first time and...it's freaking amazing. Like, the coolest dress in the history of dresses. And she made it! Which makes her even cooler than the dress. And the dress is really cool. So she's, like, hecka cool, or hella cool, or wicked cool, or totally cool, depending on which region of the United States you live in. And then the other kids at school--who have been dissing her because she's a duct tape freak--when they see her in her afreakingmazing dress, they can't help it: they have to admit it's fucking cool. Because it is and you're a big ol' liar if you say it isn't. And you can, like, feel the high school tides turning in her direction. I mean, this girl is the kind of girl who is a supreme dork in high school but then by the time she goes to college she's one of the coolest kids on campus, but that tide is shifting earlier than it usually does in these stories, and then she gets crowned Prom Queen, and she gets the boy, and they dance, and YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

So good.

*

I wonder what this random 14-year-old kid anonymously google-search-landing on my blog wants to get Made into? Is it a boy? A girl?

Do they want to (and the following examples are all suggestions from MTV's website) win Class President? Land A Role In The Spring Musical? Ask Someone Special To A School Dance? Be Crowned Prom King Or Queen? Learn How to Ice Skate? Gain Confidence To Meet Their Pen Pal/Online Friend In Person? Reignite An Old Romance? Make A Spring Sports Team? Join The Dance Team? Lose Weight? Complete A Triathlon? Help A Friend Achieve Their Goal? Learn To Box? Well, whatever they want to do, I want to know!

*

When I was 14, I wanted to be made into an Academy Award Winning Actor. (Yeah, I'm pretty sure MTV would have turned down my application--because unless the Academy Award was made out of duct tape, I think that dream would have been a little bit difficult for them to help me accomplish.)

*

What I want to know is, why can't 29-year-olds apply to be on MTV's MADE? Huh, MTV? What about that? I mean, okay, I understand that the show wouldn't be quite as interesting if it was 29-year-olds. The teen crowd is much more dramatic than my age group, especially when it comes to Reinventing Yourself Despite The Fact That All Of Your Peers Want You To Stay In the Box They've Already Got You In (i.e. basketcases are not princesses are not jocks are not criminals are not brains).

But if you (MTV) ever decide to produce a one-off "older person" episode of Made, well, would you consider making me into a boxer? (I hella promise you that would be SO dramatic. First of all, my Made coach would have to teach me how to take a punch without letting out a high-pitched scream.)

Or you could make me into an autobiographical comic book artist! (This would be a big challenge!) (I can't draw to save my life!) (but ever since I saw the movie American Splendor, I've desperately wanted my own comic book, and, actually, this is one thing that I think I might be able to make without your help, MTV. Because I don't really need to illustrate the thing--I could just write it and then get someone else to illustrate it.) (Harvey Pekar is a god.) (okay, so I'm putting this on my List Of Things To Do Without MTV's Help and I'm going to think of other things to get Made into) (as I was typing that last sentence, I got worried that it sounded snarky, and if you, MTV, really are reading this, I just want you to know that I don't really have a snarky bone in my body and I'm SO not being snarky right now--I truly love Made, and I'm sitting here at my computer letting myself succumb to the fantasy of you actually producing an "older person" version of Made and how rockstar that would be).

Or you could make me into a circus clown. (This was a fantasy of mine way back in the day.) (I was THIS CLOSE to applying for Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College.) (What stopped me?) (I had my application all filled out and everything when I heard that the school was closing down for a period of time while they restructured--this was years ago--but if they hadn't closed down that year, I wonder how different my life would be right now? Would I have gotten into the program? Would I have gone? Would I have been any good at it? Would I be on the road right now, with a whole bunch of frogs and dogs and bears and chickens and whatevers.) (I understand that there aren't very many frogs and dogs and chickens in the traveling circuss, but if you get the reference to "frogs and dogs and bears and chickens," you win a prize.) (The reference is totally random and I don't even know why I put it there, because it has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about right now.) (anyway)

Okay, so: MTV, if you ever read this, feel free to help Make me into either a boxer, an autobiographical comic book artist, or a circus clown. Thank you very much.

6 comments:

frank's wild lunch said...

first.

TheDarkerUma said...

hey, while you're at it...can i be a bitchin singer?

and if there is time, a juggler as well?

Anonymous said...

i totally remember when you were thinking about applying to clown school. it's not too late!
AND...
how do you know that a 14-year-old googled that? what if it's someone who like watching 14-year-olds on tv? what if they are creepy?

i'm just sayin'.

xo
Lindsay

Erik said...

urp, i think you look young enough to pass for the "must look between 15 and 21" thing. You should apply! Just pretend you're still in high school. My vote is to go for the juggling goal. (You have to get them to teach you not only the basics, but also bowling balls, chainsaws, and fire!)

Erik said...

Lindsay, now I'm all creeped out!

I want to believe it was a real honest-to-goodness 14-year-old!

I want to retain my innocence!

Please!

xo

oh, and you're right, re: clown college. it ISN'T too late. maybe i should look into it again. because that would kick ass, going to clown college as an adult. (i miss college, i miss school, i miss studying--and i understand that clown college wouldn't be *quite* like going back to college because classes would be completely different, but, still, you know: i'm sure dormlife would be the similar, just with more banana peels.)

Erik said...

This comment is for Joe Chandler:

uranus.