Thursday, August 31, 2006

Two things: rock related


Jenny wanted to know when we could start talking about last night's episode of Rockstar: Supernova. She didn't want to make any spoilerish comments. But I think it's okay to talk, those who watch the show have seen it by now.

a. I liked Ryan, but I was really happy with their decision to get rid of him. As soon as he climbed up on top of those speakers, I was like: "dude, you're a rockstar, you're not fucking Spiderman." I mean, the climbing on top of the piano bit actually worked for me (though I know Jenny thought it was too theatrical/contrived), but it really really really (times infinity) felt like a gimmick last night.

b. So America decided to slap Dilana for her behavior last week and put her in the bottom three. I think that's fine, I think she deserved a good slapping, and I wish her performance last night had been better. Psycho Killer wasn't the best song choice. But she still deserves to win this thing. Her performance of Mother, Mother was the best performance of the season. (I won't go so far as to agree with Dave and say it was the best performance of both seasons--I think that honor has to go to Suzie McNeil for her performance of Bohemian Rhapsody.)

c. Toby rocked and deserved the encore. No "evs" about it.

d. If Lukas wins this thing, I will be so disappointed. I couldn't understand a single mushy word he sang on the Supernova track. I kept rewinding my Tivo, going "huh? whuh?" and listening more closely, desperately trying to figure out what the lyrics were.

e. I know I'm gay and all, but I kinda have a crush on Storm Large.

f. Magni = boring and I have nothing to say about him. (What do you think about that, Jenny, huh? Huh?) (Oooooo, and Gina, you and Fi are big Magni fans too, aren't you?!? Well: slam!)


In a previous post, I used the phrase "rock out with your cock out," and then Adam posted a comment saying that Lindsay uses a variation of that phrase (hers is: "jam out with your clam out") and he suggested a contest to come up with more expressions in the vein of doing-something-wild-with-your-genitalia-to-express-a-"rock-on, dude"-attitude. His unofficial first submission was "do your thang with your wang."

Oh, and Adam's in Cambodia right now and he said he'd get a "t-shirt from Cambodia" for the winner. (Actually, now that I think about it, he might have been talking about something else when he said he would bring back a t-shirt from Cambodia, but I'm going to offer it up as the prize to this little contest anyway, and Adam can't say nothin' about it.)

So, to sum up:

--The original expression is "rock out with your cock out."
--Lindsay's variation is "jam out with your clam out."
--Adam's variation is "do your thang with your wang."
--The contest is to come up with more of these rocking genitalia-using phrases.
--Winner gets a t-shirt (maybe) and admiration and respect (definitely).

Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha got?


Aimie said...

first! i'm on a m'f'ing roll.

do your damage with your clammage?

rock the moon with your poon?

it's okay to freak out with your deek out?

jenny said...

BWAH! Damage with clammage! Hysterical!

But back to Rockstar...

1. OMG I was sooo happy when Ryan got the boot. You must admit he just screamed through that entire song. And we never even talked about when he wore a hoodie with hot-glued hair on it a few weeks ago. He looked like the kid Max from "Where the Wild Things Are." PLUS - he lost more points for being kind of a sore loser when he got the boot. He was all, "Sniff. I'll show you! You'll see me at the top of the charts! And then you'll regret it!" [SLAM]

2. Dilana - wow. That song sucked so bad, but I still really like her a lot. I loved it when she completely forgot the lyrics in the middle and just started shrieking.

3. Storm - I really like her too, even though she's for sure the next to go. T. Lee just wants to sleep with her before he kicks her off.

4. Lukas Haim-Channing - what up, mushmouth? But... I kind of liked that Supernova song. Does that make me a nerd?

5. Toby - He's gonna win, 'cause he's so hot. And now he wears lots of eyeliner which = sexy.

6. Magni - America pulls through for me. HIGHEST NUMBER OF VOTES! Yes!

Jesse said...

Dance like Madge with your vag!

Open the trunk with your junk!

gimme a smooch as if you liked the cootch!

Erik said...

omg, aimie and jesse, i love the rock on genital suggestions.

keep 'em coming! (no pun intended)

Erik said...


1. hell yeah, Ryan was awful last night. He totally saved Storm's butt by being so bad. (And yes, his hoody was SO Max from "Where the Wild Things Are"--good call.) (Did you know they're making a WtWTA movie????) (I can't imagine how they could possibly make a movie of that book, but I will withhold judgment for now.) And he was a very, very sore loser. I'm glad he's gone.

2. Dilana didn't seem very prepared. I mean, she said that she only just decided on the song at the last minute, and it showed. She should have known her antics were going to put her in the bottom three (and even if she hadn't had bad antics, at this point she had a 50/50 chance of being in the bottom three anyway) and she should have prepared more. She's still my #1 choice tho.

3. Storm is absolutely the next to go.

4. Ha! Lukas Haim-Channing! That's the best name ever. That should be his real name. He should change it. Legally.

5. Toby gets hotter by the second.

6. Magni blows chunks! ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Aimie - I was in the throes of silent laughter at my desk at work...Clammage!

Now that i've had some time to think about it, how about these?

it's not wussy, use your pussy

make it hot with your twat

do no wrong with your dong

better believe her, that's some beaver!


Erik said...

I agree, damage with your clammage is freaking hilarious.

i also love trunk with your junk


hot with your twat

but "damage with your clammage" is still the front-runner.

joe chandler said...

bring your balls to the ball.

be a genius, take out your penis

take your penis out of your pants and headbang to this awesome rock music.

Bonnie said...

Thrash out with your gash out.


Bonnie said...

Jerk in with your merkin.


Bonnie said...

Just got this at my (probationary) MySpace and thought you'd want the head's up:
Kyle Dunnigan
Hosted By:: Kyle Dunnigan (e-mail)

When: Friday Sep 01, 2006 at 4:00 PM

Where:: Your tv - the "E!" channel

Kyle Dunnigan as "Craig" on E!

"101 Guilty Pleasures" E!
4-7pm and 8-10pm
That's a lot of tv to watch in one day. I hope you have tivo.

Aimie said...


linds: i love ANY use of twat. and, sometimes i like to say twat so that it rhymes with cat. but, the beaver one rocks my cock. i think i still have a school girl response to "beaver"...!

bonnie: special gold star for incorporating the merkin. i am ashamed that i didn't and delighted that you did. brava!

jesse: i will forever have an image of you standing at your car and opening the trunk with your trouser snake. fantastic!

joe: your last attempt was classic, simple, elegant. a fine wine in the midst of pabst and peanuts. your aversion to rhyme was inspired. well done.

Erik said...

joe, yer a genius. i don't know if you've noticed or not, but i've already incorporated your third suggestion into a blog post.

Erik said...

bonbon, i love your phrases too. gash is probably one of the dirtiest words ever. it makes me feel SUPER dirty.

and awesome use of merkin, yes.

and dammit, i missed the E! special. i loves me some craig. (why is your myspace account probationary?)


Erik said...

aims, i love that you made your own comments to everyone in this thread. keep at it!

Erik said...

(by the way, where did ADAM go??? are you so busy in Cambodia that you can't read my damn blog? we have a contest going here that YOU inspired!)

Adam said...

I bought the T-shirt. How can I post a photo of it on this blog?

As the OFFICIAL judge of the 2006 Lindsay Firth Clam Out Contest, I am impressed so far. There are three criteria I will be using to evaluate submissions: (1) vocabulary, (2) structure, and (3) does it make me laugh loud enough to make my Cambodian office mates stop listening to their inane music and ask me what is going on. Lindsay's original jam out with your clam out sets a high bar, because it perfectly mirrors the structure of the original (rock out with your cock out), works one of the better metaphors for the female apparatus in, and even six months after I had heard it the first time I still laughed when I wrote the last email. Lindsay's gets a 9 on all three categories for a total score of 27.

That said, here are my scores for the recent submissions:

Damage clammage: 6 for vocab (almost totally derivative of Lindsay's), 10 for structure (I like the feminine end rhyme a lot), and 6 for the last category. I was a little mystified as to what it meant.

Moon poon: definitely a 9 on the vocab--poon, ha! 7 on the structure, it's a little simple. 8 on laugh: I actually had to try to explain to a Cambodian guy what poon meant because he came over to see what I was smiling about.

Freak Deak: damn, this one comes pretty close to perfect structure, and I like the use of deak a lot, but it's a little bit of a cheat because it really should be a slant rhyme (dick and freak). NO CHEATING, this one is disqualified, even though it's really funny.

Vag, Junk and Cootch all get 10s on vocab, but fall a little short on structure. I like the 40 year old virgin reference with the trunk though and will consider another t-shirt...

Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay, who do you think you are? You think you are allowed in this competition. You ARE this competition. The beaver one was inspired, but I'm afraid you are DISQUALIFIED.

Joe, your first two were truly pathetic. They should be written on the underside of a fifth grade desk and be covered in snot. But the third, wait a minute, lemme grab the third one:

take your penis out of your pants and headbang to this awesome rock music

I don't know what to say. I wish blogs had stone tablets we could carve this into so it would never be forgotten. It probably won't win the competetion, but it won all our hearts.

Gash: if no one posts another one, THIS IS THE WINNER (unless Erik decides that I'm not actually the official judge). Vocabulary: 10, structure: 9 (it would have been a ten, but someone already showed us that feminine end rhyme can be done and done well), laughing: 9 (to be perfectly honest, I was probably still laughing at Joe's but it was still funny).

Merkin: This goes to an 11 on vocab, but the rest breaks down a little.

"Send em out with your pudendum out"?

Erik said...

Adam, you are ABSOLUTELY the official judge. And I totally approve of your judging system. We should decide on a date for the contest to end, in case there are people out there who have been thinking of genitalia phrases but haven't submitted yet. We want to be fair. Should we say Friday at midnight (pacific time)? Or is that too much time? Will everyone have forgotten about the contest by then? Should we say Wednesday at midnight?

Aimie said...

let the rock get caught in your twat.

feel the music grunt in your cunt

dance out rock woes on your cameltoes

metal tempo and time feels fine on my gine

you can crank or yank that wank because the music is rank!

i want that tshirt.

adam said...

wow, aimee really wants that t-shirt.

"let the rock get caught in your twat." this sounds like a nudist river rafting trip gone wrong.

"feel the music grunt in your cunt." have you heard of these dildos that you can hook up to your ipod and they'll vibrate to the beat of your songs? no? well, you just wrote the catchphrase for it.

"dance out rock woes on your cameltoes". interesting blend of dactylic and anapestic lines. but it gives rise to the image of some 80s rocker dancing on joe camel's feet. i like it though, and working cameltoe into any sentence is a bonus.

"metal tempo and time feels fine on my gine." is this the third verse of "the rain in spain falls mainly on the plain"? nice internal rhyme with time-fine-gine, but for some reason i see a woman masturbating with a big metal clock when i read it aloud. i see that a lot though, so it might just be me.

"crank, yank, etc..." i'm all ready to spank my monkey cuz the music is funky on this one, and getting four rhyming words is of course a plus, but i think this one suffers on the genitalia vocab. also, cranking my wank sounds painful...

shake your bones out with your stones out.

rock the boat out with your scrote out.

jam that song out with your schlong out.

shake your legs out with your eggs out.

adam said...

sorry, those last ones were just meant to get rid of bad ones so no one else used them.

erik, lemme know if you will allow a photo post and i'll put up a photo of the t-shirt. if the winner doesn't like it, they may have to get a t-shirt from vietnam or myanmar, because i'm running out of time in cambodia.

sing the chorus with your clitoris!

Erik said...

aims, my favorite of yours is the gine one, but i think the flow is better without "metal" at the front.

i can totally see myself saying "the tempo and time feels fine on my gine."

Hell, yeah.

Erik said...

Adam, email me a picture of the shirt and I will post it!

Erik said...

"I'm running out of time in Cambodia."

every time you mention cambodia, you sound like a The Smiths song.

Erik said...

ADAM: if you want to email the picture of the shirt to me, my email address is listed in my profile, which is at the top right corner of the blog, under the "about me" paragraph.

BUT--send it to me at the same email but instead of, k?


adam said...

you get the photo? my frickin camera is making me real T-Oed (not camel T-Oed, just the regular kind) but hopefully it got through to you.

you get an honorary t-shirt for having the only blog i have ever read.

do you want a land mines one, an angkor wat one, one with the kher alphabet on it, or one with the cambodian flag/map on it?

Erik said...

the kher alphabet, please!
thank you!

adam said...

erik, i went to the market today and i couldn't find one with the khmer alphabet (i mispelled it last time). i can't believe it, there are about 6 million t-shirts in this place and about 3 million cambodians just orgasming to sell me one, but no alphabet. i'm going to the other market today and will definitely find one.

Erik said...

no khmer alphabet! find one, find one!

(if you CAN'T find one with the alphabet, then just pick one that you think is cool.)


"Adam never gets stuck taking ziggy ziggy rug."

Bonnie said...

Does Adam have a blog? I have a crush on him now.


I got nuthin'.