Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Patterson Brother Beard-Off

New Thing #183: The Patterson Brother Beard-Off started two days ago.

You're like, "what's the Patterson Brother Beard-Off?" Well, I'll tell ya:

My three brothers and I have decided to have a contest to see (1) who can grow the fullest beard and (2) who can go the longest without shaving. We think it'll be funny when we're all lookin' like cavemen. I had a really big full beard earlier this year, so I kinda set the bar, and since I'm eight years older than the second oldest Patterson brother, (Josh is 21, Matt is 20, and Mike is 18) I don't think anyone's going to be able to beat me in the "fullness" category (except our dad could, but he's not a Brother, so he's disqualified), and therefore I'm only officially competing in the "how long can you go without shaving" category. Technically, I've already disqualified because I had to shave for work this morning, but I'm going to plead with my brothers to let me start officially today, with a two day penalty.

I'll keep y'all updated on how the Patterson Brother Beard-Off is going. At the very least, we should all be warm for winter.


In non-beard related news, today I'm subbing for the same class that I subbed for on Friday, which is cool because I like this class, but I gave detention to two kids who ditched the last ten minutes of fourth period on Friday, and so I'm not looking forward to fourth period because now I'm the substitute who gave those two kids detention. But they ditched! What was I supposed to do? I hate that they ditched and that I gave them detention and that now I'm going to be hated. Ug, ug, ug. (Look, I'm already talking like a caveman, the Patterson Brother Beard-Off is working.)


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Fullest beard may be only one category
How about weirdest looking category
“Is that really a beard” beard category
And of course Greyest beard….oh I win that!

Erik said...

Lindsay, third!

Erik said...

Dad, that's a good idea, we'll totally have to come up with sub-categories. But you're disqualified because you're so old (sorry, but comparitively!), so you can't compete in the Greyest beard competition. Which means I'll probably win that one! Ha! (I think I actually do have a couple grey hairs in my beard.) (But more on my head.) (When I say "more," I don't mean "lots," I just mean "some.")

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness I'm so far away! Let me know when the shave-off has ended!

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, how funny! I meant "beard-off" but I'm unbelievably exhausted and I unconsciously typed "shave-off!"